How to help.

I won't keep this page up here forever...because it does link to my name.  But for those of you who currently follow... we really need your help.  When you've asked how to help and I have said - I can't think of anything - it's because I don't want to ask you for $2557!  But I am hoping this way everyone who wants to help can do a little bit and help us get this bill paid off.  Thank you XX


https://givealittle.co.nz/cause/keepingourgirlssafe#

So what are we waiting for?

WARNING: Contains graphic content




Life is a bit on hold.  While we get used to the idea of having a baby in the house, there is a whole other situation unfolding.

The school Miss 15 attended breaking several laws is only the beginning.  The other is the severe risk to her should she return to her home country.

The cold hard reality is that she will be killed or tortured and put into prision (for having a baby).  Her baby will be killed (due to the genocide of melanesians).

Due to this we are aiming to gain refugee status for the girls.  This is hard, because she is under age and it would cause irreparable damage to her family if they were to come and support the application. So things are slow.  Lawyers need to seek advice from lawyers.  Immigration need to seek advice from the united nations.

The process, by normal timeframes, should have been completed 6 weeks ago.  And although the lawyer says our case is very, very strong.  It is still a waiting game.  Because you just don't know what is around the corner.

A lot of people have asked "What the?" because they don't really understand what is going on there.

Information is hard to find because of a media ban (As usually happens in countries with war going on!) but there is some information that comes out various places via a facebook page that their government has no control over.

https://www.facebook.com/freewestpapua/

Here you will read of torture, rape, genocide and corrupt police and military.  You will see very easily why we are scared for Miss 15 to return home with Miss nearly 4 months!

On a happier note Miss 15 is now Miss 16 :)

Our Surprise. Or...shock... or What the actual hell just happened?

We didn’t believe what was happening.

After a day of chocolate on Sunday, when Miss 15 complained of a sore tummy around 10am on Easter Monday.  I told her she had eaten too much junk.  When she told me she had been in pain since 3, I started to suspect a bug.  When she asked me to take her to the doctor, I hesitated.  At near $300 for a non citizen, public holiday, visit – I was going to hold it off as long as possible.  I called a friend, a bit more in the know than myself.  Panadol? Has she had any Panadol.  No.  So she took some Panadol, and I told her if she wasn’t right in a few hours we’d find a doctor.

Miss 15 persisted. I need to see a doctor, I am in a lot of pain.  Okay. I figured if it was bad enough she wanted to pay nearly $300.  It was bad enough to see a doctor.  We went to our local after hours, and were told after seeing the triage nurse that there was a three hour wait – but in the meantime could she do a urine test. On returning from doing the test she told me that there was blood in her urine. What does that mean? Only moments after returning the test, the nurses asked for her to come through immediately.  My previous thoughts of appendicitis changed to a bladder infection.  The weight was off my shoulders.  A bladder infection is much more manageable.

After a good half an hour the doctor called me through.  Permission had been given from Miss 15 to discuss the details with me, due to her lack of understanding.  “Is there any chance she could be pregnant?” Asked the doctor.  I replied “No.  She isn’t that sort of girl.  If she says there is no chance, there is no chance”.  “In that case” he said “We need to make an immediate referral to oncology.  Are you able to drive her to the Emergency Department.” “Umm. Yup” I say, but thinking ‘what the hell, cancer, you must be joking, she is 15’. 

We arrived at the ED half an hour later, stopping for McDonalds on the way.  If you’re about to get admitted into hospital for cancer treatment – you might as well get a treat before you arrive!  Thankfully, we stopped for some food.  As it was another 3 or 4 hours until we were seen by the doctor again there was plenty of time to google.  I had read the referral forms which stated “positive pregnancy test, no pregnancy, abdominal swelling, refer oncology”.

The more I read online, the more I started to wonder.  The only other way I could find to have a positive pregnancy test was cancer.  The form of cancer that could cause a positive pregnancy test was incredibly rare.  She either has a rare cancer or a baby.  I sat there juggling in my mind which one would be easier to manage.  Miss 15’s current status meant that having a baby would be incredibly dangerous for both her and a baby. I don’t mean the birth either.  Cancer can be cured. 

As the hours ticked on, and the pains became more intense and more frequent there was a little bit of wonder creeping into my mind about that the chances of pregnancy. So that conversation was had again – in more detail.  No.  There has definitely been nothing happen that could cause that.  We were later to find out, “nothing that I remember” to cause that.

We were finally called in by an ED doctor, who said they were going to do a quick ultrasound before making any further decisions about the rest of the night.  A few moments into the ultrasound, the doctor looked at me and said “I’ll be back in a moment” she returned with another doctor.  A specialist.  They did the ultrasound together, the second doctor left and the first said “There is a baby in there, we don’t know what stage of the pregnancy this is, you could be experiencing Braxton hicks.  But we need to send you to the delivery suite regardless, you need a full examination.”

I was in shock. Miss 15 was in shock.  My mind was racing, what do we need, where do we get it from, how do we keep them safe.  I’m sure her mind was racing too, probably in a different way to mine.  I text a friend and asked her to meet us in the delivery suite.  I made some quick calls to make sure the other children were sorted for the night (they were already at friend’s houses so was not too hard).  I quickly sought support from my support people. 

We had a lovely midwife, Katie, who was incredibly reassuring when she told us “There will be a baby here, and tonight”.  She talked us through what would happen – seeing as none of us (my friend was there by that stage) have ever had a baby.  She then began to ask questions about the conception.  Concerns then flung into overdrive.  Something had happened.  We now had massive concerns for the care and protection of both Miss 15 and her baby. 

Baby was monitored intently, and as Miss 15 became more and more anxious we became thankful that the birth was going to be over with fairly soon.  At 10.50pm we welcomed a baby girl into our little world.  She weighed just over 6 pounds.  The NICU team on standby were stood down and we were told she was healthy.  No sigh of relief was heard, this was only the start of an uphill battle.  But for one day, we had been through enough.  The day was over, we had another girl to love.  No sleep was had (by me anyway…the new mum slept extremely well) as I arranged bassinets, carseats, clothes.  So much to plan when a baby suddenly arrives.  

It has been all guns firing.

It has been an incredibly long time since I updated here! A few months, but there is good reason!

That's because I have been so incredibly busy with everything, that I haven't had time!  This morning, I make time.  I had to get up early and make sure things were spick and span for a landlord visit - which means that I am just a little too tired to get started on work!

Mr 13 and Miss 9 are still here.  Only for another two weeks though...well, a little less now.  They will be moving on the 8th of July to their new home.  It could well be their forever home, however - their mum still has some opportunity to make things right.  Experience tells me this won't happen - but we still have to give them a chance - because the kids deserve that.  Nevertheless, the home they are going to they want to go to.  Such a rare move for kids in care.  They have pretty much picked their next placement - and the caregivers to be have applied, trained and been accepted as caregivers.
So a quick update on those two - since they won't be with me much longer.
Miss 9 is struggling with some basics - hoarding, lying and aggravating others.  However, these behaviors are not extreme nor are they affecting her day to day life, or that of others.  They are just typical "I've been through crap" behaviors, that seek attention and love from others.  She continues to do well at school, and has a good little group of friends.  She seems to have trouble sustaining friendships, but having moved schools so often - it's probably the longest she has had to sustain a friendship.

Mr 13 loves school. Unfortunately, a little too much.  He has become a bit of a class clown, and the teachers all note that he is a little too social, and a little too unfocused.  I believe he will get this under control - he has big goals for his life, and I do doubt he'll be the typical 13 year old boy for long.  He continues to deceive with technology - and I am constantly discovering new ways he has been accessing the internet.  On the other hand, his  behavior at home has improved tenfold.  He does little to annoy his sister, helps out often and uses his manners all of the time.  He is like a different kid!  Now just to get those boundaries sorted at school as well!

Moving on to Miss 14 - Permanent lass.  She has been doing extremely well at school, but pushing the boundaries at home.  Pretty much exactly the types of behaviors we were told she would display once things were permanent.  Arguing, manipulating, trying to use her past to get her own way.  She is learning to think before she speaks, but hasn't really mastered the skill yet.  She has had a few set backs lately - the consistency in her life has been disrupted.  As you'll see when I discuss Miss 15! She has never coped well with change, so it's no surprise that she isn't coping well now. Not to mention that she is not the centre of attention - which is her number one goal in life! On a whole she is blimming hard work.  But just gotta hang in there and hope she pops out the other side soon!

Miss 15 - well that's where the story really begins.  Over Easter weekend, she got a very sore tummy.  Too much chocolate perhaps?  So after her saying that it was really bad and she needed to see a doctor - I took her to after hours.  While we were there other symptoms appeared.  We were re-directed to the emergency room.  After a number of tests....we discovered she was in labour.  Yup. A baby.  This was no "too much chocolate" or bladder infection.  This was a real, live, human baby - only a couple of hours from entering our lives! I will make a separate post at some stage about how the events of that day unfolded.  However, what is crucial here is the lack of support she received from those legally responsible for her.  Within hours I was told I wasn't to be around anymore, that they would "deal with the situation from here". A part of the dealing with the situation was to return her to her family.  Her family are not a danger - but those in her immediate environment are.  There are NO doubts at all that the conception was not consensual.  And there are no doubts at all that the baby will be killed should she be returned to her home land.  Thankfully, we were able to get lawyers involved before the situation became dire, and they were able to keep the girls in my care.  From here we have made an application to have her accepted as a refugee - in order to keep her safe.  We are yet to hear if that is successful, but we will keep at it - no matter what we have to do.

Miss 15 had a slow start to becoming a mother, but is slowly getting the hang of things. She has formed a good bond with the baby - and the two of them are doing extremely well considering.  Don't get me wrong - there is still a lot of work to do.  But things have started well. Miss 13 weeks has met all of her milestones (or surpassed them) and babbles away quite deliciously.

Once Miss 9 and Mr 13 have moved on in two weeks, I'll either get more time to blog - or I won't have much to blog about.   From there I will be putting a hold on our availability for foster care.  To enable Miss 14 to settle into her changes, and to help Miss 15 become the mum she needs to be.  To focus on the refugee application, and to ensure Miss baby gets all the nuturing and love she needs at this crucial stage of her development.  At this stage the hold is for one school term, then things will be reevaluated. We'll see where other things are at!

When the system fails

Do you remember this post?
http://fosteringkidsinnz.blogspot.co.nz/2015/06/the-best-interests-of-child.html

I made it in June last year.  I expressed my thoughts extensively to the social work agency.  I expressed so strongly that I knew it wasn't going to work.  I feared for the combination of the two children.  Yet here I am.  Not even 12 months later.  Angry. So angry.

I brought home with me last night Mr 7, just for the night.  He was Mr 6 last time I wrote about him.  We haven't been allowed to see him since he moved to the caregivers him and Miss 8 were placed with in June last year.  Their religious differences left us shut out, the children homeschooled, and connections with their past lost. I want to say I told you so. I want to scream and yell and put the agency to shame.

I told them time and time and time again that the placement wouldn't work. That it would only be a matter of time until they were seeking out emergency care once again.  Only a matter of time until they realised for themselves that any of these siblings placed in the same house hold was a disaster waiting to happen.  They told me it wouldn't - they had fully interviewed the new parents and there were 100% confident it would work out.

It happened. Of course it happened.  Part of me feels a sense of wisdom, a little bit of narcissistic "I was right, you were wrong. I hate you" but the overwhelming feeling is one of absolute pain for this poor soul.

When he was dropped off to me on Friday night he ran to me and hugged. And held on.  And held on.  There was a scared and sad little boy who said to me "they quit on me too" followed by "no one wants me, do they? I am a bad person, aren't I?"  It took all of my power to look into those big brown eyes and say "there is a way bigger story behind this that is too hard to explain, but lots of people want you and love you, they just aren't the best people for you" It takes all the willpower in the world not to make a promise I can't keep.  I can't promise that the next home will be his forever home. I can't promise that he will be allowed to come and visit me often.  I can't even wrap him in my arms and say "I want you, come live with me" because, and I maintain, it is not in the best interests of the children.

But why am I the only person looking out for the best interests of these children? Why aren't the social workers getting this bit right.  How hard is it to see there is a broken little boy who in less than two years has been in at least 8 homes??? Can't they see what they're setting this boy up for.

http://www.radionz.co.nz/news/national/282623/'staggering-link'-between-cyf-care-and-crime

I just want him to find a forever home.  A home where he can be loved and loved and loved.  Where there are no other little children around that make his issues near impossible to cope with.  Where I will still get to see him. Where I can take his big sister to see him.  Where he will be with a family that is basically an extension of ours.  Why is that too big to ask?

Friendships

Things are plodding along well. Me 12 has matured a lot and become quite pleasant to have around. He has started being more helpful, and polite. 

Miss 9 has developed a bit of an attitude in place of mr12, and does seem to be struggling with the changes life has thrown at her. Despite settling so quickly at the start, it is clear they have switched roles. Mr 12 seems genuinely happy, Miss 9 I think is in a vulnerable place, and it's hard to stay patient. Her hearing is not good... We are still waiting on her health check. So she speaks loudly, she misses instructions and she argues unnecessarily with the other children as she often interrupts them. When others don't respond straight away, she thinks they aren't listening so begins to nag. 

I know it must be extremely hard on her, but I am finding it draining. I know she deserves more patience than I am giving her...it's not her fault. But I am struggling with always having to answer 'huh?'

Now Miss 14 is doing well. Her relationship with Mr 32 has become quite strong and as a result she is quite happy and playful. Quite childlike.   However she has had to make a hard decision. One that has resulted in cutting off her best friend. Her friend pulled a Pra k on her that upset her quite a lot (faked a teen pregnancy). Miss 14 was willing to put everything on the line to support her friend and had asked me to come home early before finding out it was a joke. She didn't talk to her friend for a few days while she recovered from it. We talked about what had been said, but Miss 14 couldn't remember the exact words and I began to read their text messages (she knew I was doing this... She knows as part of having a phone anything she says is not private). Here I found messages that were not symptomatic of a good relationship... Not in either direction. The other miss had been involving herself in unsafe behaviours, and our Miss 14 had been saying things that were boar seeing on emotional blackmail. I called her out on these things, and she agreed. Things had gone too far. 

I have her advice on how to put things right, but she decided it was best to let go of the friendship. I am proud of her for that decision. She told her friend and blocked her number. For about two weeks we heard nothing. Then she called in the landline. Miss 14 told her friend that she was making choices in her life that were leading her down the wrong paths, that she can't support that. She ended the conversation. 

I am proud of her, and she is proud of herself. She grieves the friendship, and worries for her friends wellbeing. But this young lady has made a decision that is about her own wellbeing, and this is big... She has cut ties to one of the last remaining link to her past life, she is making friends with people she wants in her future, not the people she feels she needs to cling to because of her past. 

When the grass is, actually, greener

Last night the movie Hotel Rawanda came on.  About 10 minutes in, Miss 15 said "This is like my country".  I paused the movie and turned to her.

How do you mean?

Soldiers run down the street with guns.  The set fire to your house.  They leave bodies lying across gardens.

Were you scared?

All the time.  Even when things were peaceful, you always know they will be back.

Have they ever tried to harm you?
They have tried.  They didn't hurt me.  But some of my family have been killed.

How close to you did they get?
They were in my house. Just before I came here.  I was looking after my little sister while my parents were at work.  They broke the doors down and came in. I hid under the bed with a big knife (Machete).

Did they find you?
No...they got distracted, they heard a car pull in to the driveway. It was my mum.  So they set fire to my house and left.

Did the house burn down?
No, not this time. My mum put the fire out.

To cut a long conversation short, we talked about genocide.  We talked about the reasons why Miss 15 had to move here.  We talked about how every child between 15-18 has been sent to a safer country.  They haven't come as refugees.  They have pooled all of their resources to make sure the next generation survives.

In school those of the minority culture (the ones being killed off) were crammed into one room, with no teacher after they turn 13.  They can't be educated...they might learn how to defend themselves.

Some countries are helping, their are peace keepers.  But still, there is political unrest between the minority and majority.  Between the native and the immigrants.

Miss 15 has watched her friends be killed.  She has watched her family been killed. She has had the feet of armed soldiers within cm's of her face.

She has experienced what no child growing up here could ever imagine.

I don't know if it is fortunate or unfortunate that Miss 14 and Mr 12 who were listening to parts of the conversation didn't quite grasp the extent of life lived in West Papua.  But I do hope that they realise in amongst the moments where they struggle with life in Foster Care that they can see - actually - there is worse. I am alive.  An entire culture is being killed off.  Miss 14 suggested Miss 15s parents just come over here too.  But Miss 15 explained that they have to stay and fight for their rights.  They need to fight to allow them to live in their own country.


nd one last reminder...if you haven't clicked one of the 'badges' to Top Mommy Blogs today...click here: http://www.topmommyblogs.com/ to vote. Thank you.