The agency

Today I had a meeting with the child services agency to discuss ways that I could use my education, knowledge and passion to further help the sort of kids that make me tick. 

It was incredibly exciting that one of the two people I met with has a very similar vision to my own. So much so that he thinks a job could be created and funding applied to enable me to use my skills within the next 12 months. Now, there is no certainty in any respect. Those above him may not agree, there may be someone better suited with more skills than me, I might decide that direction isn't quite right. But it was exciting to express passions, to have them heard and to actually hear that it was possible, not entirely far fetched. 

More interestingly however, was the other person in the meeting. A person who is pretty high in the pecking order. Someone who has quite a bit of influence. Who mentioned that there biggest need was caregivers. I confronted her on that. I told her that I find what she is saying. Hard to believe when we haven't been asked to take a child we don't already have a connection in for over a year. 

To say she was gobsmacked is an understatement. Just last week I had a call telling me that they had called every single caregiver in your region and no one was able to take a young girl. They had to put her in a fairly unsatisfactory situation as there wasn't a caregiver available. 

I'm calling bullshit. If there was no one available how come we weren't called. We have contacted our office several times reminding them of our availability and desire to help more kids. 

She assured me that there would be some very interesting developments in the near future. Watch this space people. I think I may have just inadvertently put a spanner in the works of a government agency. 

To die for

We had a lovely letter from Miss 13. Written in the third person, explaining how happy she was to be here! There was one line that got me 'she was placed with a family that would pretty much die for her'

That's all I am gonna say about that.




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Social Workers

I don't often have nice things to say about social workers.  I often don't see the benefit they play in a childs life once there is a sense of permanancy.

They think they know the kids best (really...a 30 minute visit every six weeks for the last 6 months and you think you know them better than me? 24/7 for the last 18 months...sure ya do!)

They make decisions that affect the kids without even hearing the kids point of view.  "You will be a girl guide" Yeah bloody right... you'd have better luck telling this kid to join book club!

They come and visit every 8 weeks just to remind the child that they are in fact "in the system" still. Waiting for some permanency in their lives.

But they do deserve a bit of credit. It would be a bloody hard job looking out for the best interests of so many kids without actually having the time to get to know them all.  They get abused by parents, they get shoved away by children and they get given a heck of a lot of pressure from caregivers.

Miss 13s social worker finishes in her job.  She came for a final visit before she moves on to where-ever she goes next.  Miss 13 was rude (completely ingored her and sat on the floor with her back to her), and it made me feel bad!

To start with - I couldn't work out why I felt bad...but after awhile I had several reasons
1) It makes me look bad that my child could be that rude to someone in the home.
2) this woman is in a thankless job, is leaving, and isn't even going to get a thank you.
3) how much of Miss 13s dislike for SW has come from the vibe of frustration she gets from me.

As SW was leaving I said to Miss 13, "this is the last time  you will see SW, what do you say" she looked at the social worker and said "thank you" and to me...with a questioning look on her face "I think".  She actually didn't know if thank you was what she was supposed to be saying!

I can understand why - who wants to thank the person who told you that you will never return to your family.

The good news here is this - Miss 13 won't be getting a new social worker.  We are so close to having court orders in our favour - that they have decided that if another 8 week visit is needed that our caregiver SW who comes to check on us once a year as caregivers - will come and do the visit; so that Miss 13 doesn't have to go through getting to know yet another SW.  It won't need to be an interactive meeting with Miss 13 - just a 'tick the box so we can say she is alive'.

So now we are back into that waiting game. Waiting on a court date. Waiting on a response from the biological parents.  Waiting, waiting, waiting for the orders to come through that will give us the ultimate responsibility for well...perhaps ... bungy jumping?



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Another step closer

Things are getting closer every day now.  We have the legal paperwork ready to sign to become Miss 13s legal guardians.

As those days get closer, she seems more relaxed. Having more fun.  getting over things a little quicker.  But there is still some doubt in her mind "I have to be good or you might not turn up in court".  We will...I assure her...we will.

Some final editing for the lawyer to do then we'll be called in to sign things off, this week probably.  Then there are 21 days given to Miss 13s biological parents to object, then - all that going well we will have a court date in around a months time.

Here is to all going well...


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Entertaining

Some things are entertaining no matter what age the audience. This was viewed by a bunch of 14 year olds today and I brought it home to exactly the same reaction. 

Think I will store it away as a first night ice breaker. 

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0gyI6ykDwds

Missed experiences

When you haven't had the opportunity to be a child, you find that opportunity when you can.  If you look at 'some' of the kids that play up in schools...why - because at home they have to take it all so seriously.

When you look at kids in foster care, a lot of not had the experiences you or I had as a child that make us positive and contributing members of society.

We learn to trust when our parents play peek-a-boo and they come back agin.  We learn to trust when dad chucks us up in the air and catches us.  We learn to trust when there is a stormy night outside and they crawl into their parents bed and hide under the covers.

But you don't learn to trust if you don't have positive interactions with people you know you can depend upon.  You don't learn safe risk, if you don't have people to trust.

Even at 13, if a child missed out on experiences as a child, they will want childhood reassurances.

It's not uncommon for Miss 13 to play games with Mr 31 that involve them chasing each other around the couch.

It's not uncommon for Miss 13 to ask...if I do xxx, what will happen.  If I run away, will you chase me.

It's not uncommon to wake up and find Miss 13 has crawled under the covers of my bed.  "What are you doing here?" I asked this morning.  "You can't stop me" she responded.  Well...she is a 13 year old after all, she can't admit the absence of Mr 31 in the house had her so anxious she didn't sit still all evening.


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Scaly Friends

Within a week of arriving Miss 13 was asking us if she could have a goldfish.

The answer has always been "not yet" there were a number of reasons.

1) We can't get you a pet, then expect someone else to care for it.  We don't have permanency in the future yet.
2) you can't even get your bedroom tidy without being reminded, how can we let another life depend on you!

Well she begged. Constantly. For a year.  Mr 31 finally caved.  Okay, you can have fish he said one day.

So the learning experience began.  I wonder why we didn't do it sooner?!

She has learnt so far:
1) Perseverance.  Ask enough and you will eventually get.
2) Budgetting.  She has had to compare prices and make decisions based on need vs want.
3) She has had to learn how to work to get what she wants.  She has taken out a $600 loan (okay yeah... a goldfish turned into two tropical tanks) which she pays back at $5 per meal cooked.  May chuck in the odd car clean too.
4) She has had to learn what ammonia is, how to measure it, and understand it's effects.
5) She has learnt about the PH scale, she has measured a range of levels, and had to add chemicals to lower or raise it according to results.  She has had to learn about acidic and alkaline levels.
6) She has had to learn what nitrate and nitrite are. She is going to be one step ahead of her peers at school.

It hasn't been easy. There are definite arguments when we remind we to feed/test the water/clean up after herself. Something she promised us would not be a problem. 

I have threatened to flush them all down the toilet ( I know, should never threaten something that can't be followed through on); to take them back to the pet shop; to give them away on face book (she would still have to pay them off; but so far... We haven't lost a fish. 

Well... That's not quite true. We had to take two back as one attached the other. We weren't keeping the bully (we aren't friends with bullies- yes we followed through on that life sentiment... Pet shop manager didn't quite know how to take that one.). The one that was attacked lost his tail- so he has had to go into long terms vet care. The pet shop bought him back as they sold us the bully with him. 

My confidence levels he made it through the vet are low.