On our return Miss 13 had her, now quarterly, visit with her mum. Thank goodness they've been reduced to quarterly - her mum decided to say all sorts of things to upset her - for privacy reasons I won't put them here!
During all of this we have been approved as the guardians with full custody for Miss 13, so once it has gone through court and all official - she will finally be able to stop worrying about where she will be in the future and take away some of her doubts preventing her from settling in. She does know this is on the cards... and as we were told to expect, but couldn't really imagine until it happened - she has began testing boundaries.
It's hard to tell whether they are normal 13 year old boundaries - or if they are the ones that get pushed by any child when they find a new forever home. The tantrums have been a little more physical, stomping of feet, attempts (haha it was soft close) to slam doors and under the breath comments about 'you can't tell me what to do" It's been increasingly important to explain why those sorts of behaviors aren't acceptable, that those behaviors won't make us get rid of her, and how the consequence links to the behavior. Also had a bit of practice at identifying for her how she is feeling, as that is very challenging when you've had a whole upbringing of only identifying anger. She has expressed gratitude to having her behaviors repeated back to her as she often isn't even aware of what she has just done.
Her tantrums have been nicely balanced by little letters saying "I love you" and "I'm glad I will be in your family forever" "I'm glad it's all over".
But in all of these marvelous adventures. where there have been 100s of stories to tell...that's about all I can sum it in to. Main reason being that Miss 13 doesn't give me 5 minutes alone to update my blog! Now that holidays are over and I am back at work and she is back at school - I should have more time! Yes...I hear what I just said!
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