She is not following the rules.

The title in this instance is in reference not to Miss 13, but to her mum. You'll find out why soon.

Over the last month Miss 13 has gone from settling fabulously into school, making good friends, having a really positive attitude toward getting homework done on time, being prepared for school and the like.  To disinterested, untalkative (about school) and well, a bit of a madam.  A little more madam than her normal "i've just turned 13" madam.

We have had a lot going on in our lives.  Meaning some pretty strange awake/asleep hours, i naively put her unsettled stage down to this.  Strictly enforcing routines, homework before play.  Going to bed on time etc  It wasn't making a heck of a lot of difference though.  Something else was going on.

She is excited I thought to myself.  My best friend and fiance are staying with us for awhile, and she has someone to show off to.  That's it I thought, it will pass.

Last night Miss 13 sent a text message to me, not its intended recipient.  All of a sudden the lightbulb went off and all fell into place.  She has found contact with her mum.  I immediately took the phone, told her why I was taking the phone.  It is a court imposed order, you are allowed no unsupervised contact or communication with her.  Its for your own safety.

She was ripped apart.  Devastated, She had finally heard from her mum, and she gets the consequence.  She misses out on something she though she was going to have. Again.  She admitted to me that she knew she wasn't supposed to be communicating with her mum.  But since her mum got in touch why wouldn't she respond.  I downloaded the phone statement, and see that there were almost 200 text messages over the previous 2 weeks.  Here everything falls into place!  No wonder we've had a challenge on our hands.

I have no idea of the content.  As much as Miss 13 accidentally sent me a message, she had not so accidentally deleted all of the communication with her mum as she was going.

It seems incredibly unfair to me that the 13 year old is the one punished in this situation.  The 13 year old has to have her phone taken off her while the phone is deleted of anything that may hold her mums contact details, while a new number is obtained for her.  It's the 13 year old that once again gets ripped away from her the tiny little bit of hope she has gathered.  It's the 13 year old who is put in a situation where she is forced to lie to protect the people who she loves so very much.  It's the 13 year old that will miss out on her next 'ok'd' visit with her family.

The 30something year old involved, will get spoken to.  Will get it added to the lengthy court documents.  But what will it change for her.  She won't have to get rid of her phone.  She won't be given a lecture about keeping unsafe secrets.  She will get to see all of the other children on the day she isn't allowed to see Miss 13.

That's right...Miss 13 gets the consequences because her mother can't stick to the boundries that have been imposed upon her to keep her child safe.

Makes me wild.