It'll break that little heart

Over night the unimaginable happened to a colleague. I'd like to say a friend, but a friend via social media and work - as opposed to hanging out at the local coffee shop.  She lost her baby girl, of whom had been through many battles with her health in her few short months.

It's not mine to blog about.  It's not my loss to grieve. I feel somewhat bad for even writing a blog before she has announced it to her own blogging world.  However, there is a bit in me that has to express my current feelings, I can't talk to anyone at work about it.  So writing about it is my only option at the moment.  I probably won't push publish yet.  Time needs to pass.

But our Miss 13 adored this baby.  Back when miss baby came into the world, Miss 13 began to learn an emotion other than anger.  She learnt about so many other things: frustration, saddness, love and pure joy.  She has asked at least weekly about the wee cherub, and befriended her mum on facebook to ensure she gets her regular dose of photos and updates.

She talks about her at any opportunity to she gets "The most adorable baby in the world".  When she is learning about emotions, she often makes connections to the little life that has taught her so much.

Tonight I will need to go home and tell Miss 13 that her adored 'friend' has gone.  That her battle has been lost.  I will need to find ways to tell her why this sort of thing happens to such wonderful people.  I will need to comfort her, as she is likely to show me for the first time real and true grief.

Miss 13 had only meet Miss baby once.  Miss baby was sound asleep and the two didn't interact.  However, Miss 13 formed an attachment to another human being.  Probably, a safe human being in her eyes - one that wouldn't let her down.  Will she feel let down?  I don't know.

I myself find it hard to understand how such a loved, cared for and adored young life can be lost so young.  I tell myself that there must be a reason, a purpose.  It would be selfish to believe that purpose was to teach so many life lessons to Miss 13.  However, even if the only life lessons she taught were to Miss 13 (which I know without any doubt, lessons were taught to 100s) - it was a lesson worth teaching.  And a life saved.  Miss 13 and I will love that baby forever.  I hope that one day the grief I feel for Miss babys mummy will turn to joy for the experiences they had together.