Who would think one little course could make such a difference.

Last Saturday (just over a week ago) I went on a course for foster parents.  It was talking about the types of kids that are often in childcare, the way they form attachments with adults and ways to help build resilience in them.  At one point in became glaringly obvious why we had so many tantrums when it came to doing chores.

The cold hard reality was - no one had ever taken the time to show her how to do anything!  We had an opportunity to discuss this with some much more experienced foster parents... longer than I've been alive kind of experience...

So I came up with a little plan. Wrote it in my course book.  And gave it to the other half to read (he was working when I was at the course).  Well...we've had a 100 % turn around in behavior.  It's almost become easy to get chores done.

You see, when there are just adults in the house - you know you all do your bit.  Doesn't matter if it isn't completely obvious at all times that you've just scrubbed the toilet - you know the lawns will be mowed when needed.  But with a child...if you are sitting on the couch reading a book - why the hell should they be doing the dishes?  Doesn't matter if you just spent 8 hours of your day off spring cleaning while they played with a friend.

So we started a new routine.  The next day. I was so tired when I got home I went straight to bed.  There were two things I learnt.  One -- may more attention to how my mum got me to do jobs.  Two - - Doesn't matter if it's fair - it has to look fair.

One:  The housework.  This one came from my mum.  If I'd known she was tricking me into housework all those times I'm not sure I'd have fallen for it.  I wrote down 9 jobs that had to be done.  From dusting to mopping the floors.  Then we had turns at picking one each - til we had three each.  Then we had to do our jobs and score each other out of ten.  The winner got to choose a prize! First week the prize was as simple as whats for dinner, second week - which board game we'd play.  Now of course it was rigged - and Miss 12 won both weeks :).

First week on it - we had to think through it carefully.  Keeping in mind that it may be she didn't know how to do jobs that were causing conflict.  So each time she picked a job - we picked a job in the same room so that we could low-key help her.  She successfully mopped the floors, dusted the whole house and cleaned the kitchen benches/dishes. Three jobs she hates.

Second week on it - we were on our way home from work on Friday "Can I choose what jobs we have to do this weekend.  Well - yeah, sure why not! I was a bit worried she might not choose what needed to be done but figured we could twist a couple of the jobs to make sure we did them while we were doing ours.  She took the job very seriously indeed.  She went around the house and noted down all that had to be done.  Then we picked.  She ended up cleaning the bathroom (toilet included!).  It's only ever me that cleans the toilet - you have no idea how good this was! Among sorting the good cat toys from the old and other jobs.  Every thing got done.

Kinda looking forward to week three of housework now!  It may not be a war zone.

Two: Doesn't matter who has cooked dinner, or tidied the bathroom.  Everyone does one after dinner chore.  Usually wash dishes, dry dishes, make lunch.  Now I plan for this to become a little more complicated once it is full routine.  No arguments.  A little bit annoyed at times - but no arguments.  8 days running and the dishes have been done and the lunches made with no tantrums.  Come school holidays I may just add in clean the toilets or something.  If we are on holidays at mums (if bloody cyfs come through with the passport) we could do - load the dishwasher, sweep the floor, clean the toilets...  Since there is a dishwasher and don't need lunch made in the holidays.  That way she gets used to there being a different combination of jobs.

We will see.  So far so good.