When we got home she asked us to sit down in the lounge so she could talk to us about something. She then said "I have a difficult decision to make. I have to decide whether I want to see my dad."
Woah. Tough call for a little miss! She has never had anything positive to say about her dad - but why would she - her mother has formed her opinion. I've heard her mother do it.
As we said to her - we can't make that decision for you...but we can listen to you as you talk through the reasons why you should or should not. She couldn't actually give us any reasons either way. She doesn't know. She doesn't know where to even start thinking.
Trying not to lead her I asked some questions. She couldn't even really answer them.
I think she should meet her dad. She was very little when she last saw him. Yes, he is gang associated. Yes, he is not good for her. But she should make the decision on what he is like for herself - even if that is a painful experience. Otherwise she'll always wonder.
I think that she doesn't want to meet him - but feels she should to support her littler siblings.
How do I help her make a decision - without putting my influence on it? I guess that's something I'll have to figure out!
Is there any small step she could take, instead of having to completely decide "yes" or "no"? Like writing him a letter, or making a list of things she wants him to know about her and things she wants to know about him? Sometime to me it is easier to have the first contact be more indirect, instead of having to look the person in the eyes. (In case you were wondering how I found your blog, I saw your comment on Foster Parents Anywhere. I'm not a foster parent but I have worked and volunteered with kids in foster care before and I hope to be a foster parent someday!)
ReplyDeleteThank you very much for your ideas. They are great! I will definitely try that out!
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