I'm super confused about this. 1. because the decision wasn't supposed to be made until November. 2. Since when did she have a new social worker. 3. Why the bloody hell didn't they give us a heads up.
She is vulnerable enough without having to get in the car and say "I don't know where I'll live". clearly no options had been suggested to her by new social worker. Poor girl thought she was going to have to find a new home on her own! Fairly certain that if you tell a 12 year old she will never be allowed to live with her family again - she should also be told that she will be looked after and a safe and loving home will be found for her!
Obviously we want to jump in and say - don't worry -you can stay with us forever if you need to. But it ain't that simple! We aren't authorized home for life caregivers (yet...we could be) for one. Secondly - as much as we love her and want to provide for her we are stuck with a pretty big problem. A house.
We live in a little two bedroom flat at the moment, that is barely big enough for the two of us, let alone a nearly teenager. Not to mention wanting our own kids in a year or so.
If we had her room empty - we'd be able to have kids whether or not we could afford a bigger house.
If we had a bigger house - we'd have room to move and it wouldn't be a difficult decision at all.
If we had an extra 50k - yeah rediculous - banks are asking for 20% deposit these days (only have about 10k equity in current house - maybe a tad more depending what it sells for). We'd be able to buy a bigger house.
It sounds selfish to think - well, what if we can't keep her cos we won't be able to fit her in when babies come along. She is our baby anyway! It was only the day before that my other half said "I actually couldn't imagine not having Miss 12 here with us now" With a smile on his face as she pushed some funny little argument she was determined to win.
The question hasn't even been raised with us by the agency. The agency probably hasn't even thought about what next steps. I know one thing for sure - we have put a hell of a lot of work in to helping this young girl find her place in the world - if that gets ruined because an organisation can't be organised - then I will be wild.
Basically - if we won lotto tomorrow there wouldn't be a question in my mind. Hell, I would only need Keno probably - 50k would do it. 50k would give us the house we need to give her a home for life. Or do we need to look at sacrifices. What can we sacrifice in order to give her the home she considers second best (hey, we'd never want first...she should want to be with her biological family).
In the meantime we need to focus on keeping her sane, letting her know she is never going to be homeless, knowing that we aren't going to take her back, drop her on the doorstep of said agency - and say - time for the next people on your list to take a turn. How do you reassure her everything is going to be okay - when actually - they aren't okay. No 12 year old should have to go through the worry of where she'll live.
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