Friendships

Things are plodding along well. Me 12 has matured a lot and become quite pleasant to have around. He has started being more helpful, and polite. 

Miss 9 has developed a bit of an attitude in place of mr12, and does seem to be struggling with the changes life has thrown at her. Despite settling so quickly at the start, it is clear they have switched roles. Mr 12 seems genuinely happy, Miss 9 I think is in a vulnerable place, and it's hard to stay patient. Her hearing is not good... We are still waiting on her health check. So she speaks loudly, she misses instructions and she argues unnecessarily with the other children as she often interrupts them. When others don't respond straight away, she thinks they aren't listening so begins to nag. 

I know it must be extremely hard on her, but I am finding it draining. I know she deserves more patience than I am giving her...it's not her fault. But I am struggling with always having to answer 'huh?'

Now Miss 14 is doing well. Her relationship with Mr 32 has become quite strong and as a result she is quite happy and playful. Quite childlike.   However she has had to make a hard decision. One that has resulted in cutting off her best friend. Her friend pulled a Pra k on her that upset her quite a lot (faked a teen pregnancy). Miss 14 was willing to put everything on the line to support her friend and had asked me to come home early before finding out it was a joke. She didn't talk to her friend for a few days while she recovered from it. We talked about what had been said, but Miss 14 couldn't remember the exact words and I began to read their text messages (she knew I was doing this... She knows as part of having a phone anything she says is not private). Here I found messages that were not symptomatic of a good relationship... Not in either direction. The other miss had been involving herself in unsafe behaviours, and our Miss 14 had been saying things that were boar seeing on emotional blackmail. I called her out on these things, and she agreed. Things had gone too far. 

I have her advice on how to put things right, but she decided it was best to let go of the friendship. I am proud of her for that decision. She told her friend and blocked her number. For about two weeks we heard nothing. Then she called in the landline. Miss 14 told her friend that she was making choices in her life that were leading her down the wrong paths, that she can't support that. She ended the conversation. 

I am proud of her, and she is proud of herself. She grieves the friendship, and worries for her friends wellbeing. But this young lady has made a decision that is about her own wellbeing, and this is big... She has cut ties to one of the last remaining link to her past life, she is making friends with people she wants in her future, not the people she feels she needs to cling to because of her past. 

When the grass is, actually, greener

Last night the movie Hotel Rawanda came on.  About 10 minutes in, Miss 15 said "This is like my country".  I paused the movie and turned to her.

How do you mean?

Soldiers run down the street with guns.  The set fire to your house.  They leave bodies lying across gardens.

Were you scared?

All the time.  Even when things were peaceful, you always know they will be back.

Have they ever tried to harm you?
They have tried.  They didn't hurt me.  But some of my family have been killed.

How close to you did they get?
They were in my house. Just before I came here.  I was looking after my little sister while my parents were at work.  They broke the doors down and came in. I hid under the bed with a big knife (Machete).

Did they find you?
No...they got distracted, they heard a car pull in to the driveway. It was my mum.  So they set fire to my house and left.

Did the house burn down?
No, not this time. My mum put the fire out.

To cut a long conversation short, we talked about genocide.  We talked about the reasons why Miss 15 had to move here.  We talked about how every child between 15-18 has been sent to a safer country.  They haven't come as refugees.  They have pooled all of their resources to make sure the next generation survives.

In school those of the minority culture (the ones being killed off) were crammed into one room, with no teacher after they turn 13.  They can't be educated...they might learn how to defend themselves.

Some countries are helping, their are peace keepers.  But still, there is political unrest between the minority and majority.  Between the native and the immigrants.

Miss 15 has watched her friends be killed.  She has watched her family been killed. She has had the feet of armed soldiers within cm's of her face.

She has experienced what no child growing up here could ever imagine.

I don't know if it is fortunate or unfortunate that Miss 14 and Mr 12 who were listening to parts of the conversation didn't quite grasp the extent of life lived in West Papua.  But I do hope that they realise in amongst the moments where they struggle with life in Foster Care that they can see - actually - there is worse. I am alive.  An entire culture is being killed off.  Miss 14 suggested Miss 15s parents just come over here too.  But Miss 15 explained that they have to stay and fight for their rights.  They need to fight to allow them to live in their own country.


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Oh Christmas!

Christmas Day is an unknown with foster kids. Unknown how many you will have, unknown how they will be without their other families, Unknown what their traditions are. So when it goes well... Woohoo and a good one it was too!

After months of buying little gifts so there would be lots to open but little to spend, the day rolled in. Santa stopped by, and gave all of the children quite similar gifts. Pencils, rubbers, sleeping bag, beach towel etc.

After a cooked breakfast we sat down and the look of joy with almost every gift. Everyone had a favourite gift of the day. Especially me! Well a couple of favs. Most notable was a gift from Miss 13s mum. Miss 13s mum joined us, and although it had the potential to be awkward it wasn't. She brought us a photo frame of pictures with Miss 13 as a baby/child. Something we never thought we would have!

The other kids have talked to their mums on the phone and all has gone smooth and well. The kids are happy, that's what matters!


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Holidays!

Please, if I repeat anything from previous posts please forgive me! I am writing this from the inside of a tent with no cellphone reception... So I am unable to flick through previous posts before writing! There is a smudge of signal about 20 metres to my left... But there are a number of ducks and mosquitos. Neither of which I take fondly to! 

I could of course write this from the comfort of the aunties' home where there is wifi... But... Bed and the ability to just shut my eyes when writing becomes too hard is just too tempting. 

Last night we brought miss 15 and miss 13 away on a camping holiday. Mr 12 and miss 8 are staying elsewhere for a week to give us a bit of well deserved time off. We took a 12.5 hour drive to get to our destination...the girls slept most of the way. One was car sick, the other just sleeps anytime the car gets to 100kph! 

This holiday is a significant one for us. The first one since we gained parenting orders for Miss 13. We didn't have to ask permission to take her away, we were able to sign the guardian permission form for her to take place in a dangerous activity (the risk was low...and it meant a huge amount to her... She has been wanting to do something that requires guardian consent for a long long time! You would be surprised at how many doors it closes). Tonight she is off with Mr32 at her first ever concert, and I guarantee she is having a ball. That is how I have managed to get some alone time to update my blog! 

Today we went to a petting zoo type place. We went for Miss 13 who is sheep obsessed but were surprised to discover that many of the animals miss 15 had never seen before so it was all extremely exciting. She saw her first donkey, deer and emu. We even saw baby emu's, they were only about 30cm tall and super adorable. She also got to shear a sheep (miss 13 was too worried about people looking at her to give it a go) and they both got to bottle feed a lamb. 

Mr 12 and Miss 8 participated in their big meeting that will help decide their future. Unfortunately it became pretty clear to them that what they hope for is an unlikely expectation.  There were lots of tears from Miss 8, and lots of bad attitude from Mr 12. Which did make going away on holiday without them a little hard... But I did reinforce they were going on a little holiday of their own, and they were quite looking forward to it by the time we said goodbye on Friday. 

I have finished work for the year, and although it was a really challenging year I am excited about the step up I plan to take next year. 

Christmas is fast approaching, this will be an incredibly interesting experience... I hope I have time to blog as it all unfolds as it certainly won't be 'typical'. 

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We made it!

We did it! We made it! A week ago yesterday we finally became the legal guardians of Miss 13. It's been a bit of a roller coaster week though.

Miss 13 has had her swings and roundabouts. Highs where she is excited to have stability in her life, and lows--- were I am the worst person in the world because she can't see the aunts that caused so much damage to her and her siblings. (Still going to have regular contact with mum and siblings).

I have found the week hard too. This time of year is always hard for me! Just unfortunate that this time around it has coincided with what should be a happy time!

Miss 15 is beginning to open up about some of what she has witnessed in her short life (Google genocide in west Papua). Language still a little bit of an issue! Struggling to explain deodorant kindly!

Mr 12 has lots of ups and downs and there should be some certainty in his life before Christmas. Unfortunately it probably won't be the news he wants. He has come around to the idea of going to school with miss 13 and miss 15 next year... So can only imagine what their teachers are going to think of the multi racial family! I have read a few blogs on mixed racial parenting... And it appears people aren't as open as you would expect them to be!

Miss 8 cruising along nicely. Wouldn't know that she is a kid with a mucky background. Takes things in her stride, and even better... Loves making school lunches.


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Things are calm. Things are peaceful (relatively)

There isn't much to say when things are going well.  It's a shame really, that the things that always seem worth saying are when my brain is crying out in desperation for an outlet!

But things are good.  We have four children at the moment, and things are fairly harmonious.  Though...if even one of them could sing harmoniously I'm sure my ears wouldn't ring quite so much.

Miss 15 is very quiet. Doesn't say a lot (Can't say a lot yet!) but is the most helpful of them all.  She will often do everyone else's jobs before any of us even notice she is missing!  Really working hard at the moment of getting her out of her bedroom and into being an active member of the family.

Miss 13 is a stereotypical teenager.  There isn't really much more to say than that. Delightful, argumentative, kind, mean, friendly, bitchy.  And that's just within five minutes.  She has been excited about our day in court, but did say today "Well, it's not exactly going to change anything is it".  I still have to laugh about her comment to her Bio mum a couple of days ago - they were expressing their differences on something and Miss 13 says "Far out, some days I feel like I am adopted".  Her mum and I saw the funny side of it - she had NO idea, why we were laughing.  The nice part about this is that she is obviously just so comfortable with who she is and where she fits that "adopted" isn't the insult it is that most kids would use against their parents!

Mr 12 is settling down.  Not being quite as protective of his things or his sister as he once was.  He met with his lawyer last week, and he seems to be fairly comfortable with where things are at.  He still is very determined that home is where he will return within 6 months.  I'm not so confident.  The lawyer asked us if we were in a position to take him and his sister permanently.  The answer is no.  Miss 13 and Miss 15 are quite enough for the long term!

Miss 8 is really sweet.  You would not know that she has had so much trauma and confusion in her life.  She loves reading, playing, drawing and going to school.  She is always excited about whatever is next in the day - and always the first to ask everyone else how their day has been.  Quite beautiful manners.  Though, concerning that she can lie very quickly.  She will own up again as soon as she knows she has been caught out - a bit of a defence thing, a fear of being in trouble.

Well that's us for now... It's hard to keep thinking of things to write when things are going okay.  Hopefully I don't have any drama to come back with any time soon - I guess the next time you'll be hearing from me will be after our date in court :)

Sorry it's been so long

Sometimes things get so busy, that I just can't spare the five minutes in my day to blog.  The last two weeks have been just like that! Unfortunately, the longer I leave it - the less I have to say.  I think it is because it is hard to prioritise (and remember...a lot of my reason for starting a blog was so that I remembered things!)

So why have the last two weeks been so busy.

Part One: Our gangsta.
The little gangsta boy we had, did indeed return to us after his first night.  We got through a few more days, but then he started to display some fairly threatening behaviours.  We wouldn't have a bar of that, he didn't respond to discipline - long story short he ran away and had to be picked up by the police.  To start with I felt pretty gutted about the whole thing.  But I know it's important to remind myself that you can't save them all! Just do what you can, where you can, the best you can.  That won't be right for everyone.

Part Two: Miss 13's sister
She has consumed a bit of my mind lately.  She has returned from a substantial period of time "out of harms way", and the transition back into every day society has not gone well.  I have had a fairly big emotional involvement in this youngsters life. She asked for me to be a part of her life, and how can you say no to that!  She was supposed to be coming to stay this weekend...but, with hubby away, decided it was best to postpone til the following weekend so that I have some back up!

Part Three: My job.
I was offered another job.  One that would pay substantially more, and enable me to follow one of my passions quite closely.  However, I had several talks with my own boss (I use the word in lieu of a better option...she certainly isn't bossy!) and we managed to find some ways to make my job work for me, that will enable me to see through some changes I am very passionate about.  So yes...there are other passions but alongside that...I have an unfinished job where I am.  That ultimately leads to the same long term outcomes.  The difference is that I know I have someone that I find pretty inspiring to look up to, and to help lead me through the management part of my job - the people management! The bit I find really hard.  So hopefully with her support I will not only see my plans through, but gain some confidence as a leader and manager of people myself.   I will still have the skills (plus more of them) to get offered that other job again when the time is right!

Part Four: Court.
One week and a bit to go!

Part Five: Siblings. Miss 8 and Mr 12 are well settled. Miss 8 more so.  Mr 12 is having to think about new schools for next year, alongside having no idea what is future will hold in terms of where he will live. So that is hard!  A child I work with has just given him 100s of magic cards...so he is in heaven at the moment.  Combined with those from a colleague on Friday, and we have a kid with something to do now!

Part Six: Miss 15.
I have been reading a bit about the country miss 15 comes from.  It has sickened me to find out genocide is an actual happening thing right now - 2015.  WHAT THE?  Actually!

Part Seven: Health
Somethings gone awol with my blood pressure.  I had to go along and get it checked a couple of times...and, well...don't know what's causing it. Likely I need to exercise more...but I eat pretty good - and even though I am crazy busy at times I'm not that stressed (though I have been the last week...so could be why it shot up).  Anyway - have to go and get some blood tests done.

Part Eight: Christmas
I can't believe how quickly the last couple of weeks have gone. I have all but finished christmas shopping....but three out of four children have their birthdays within 6 weeks of christmas...so I have to keep my thinking hat on - and my keen shopping eye on online sales.

Part Nine: Because
Because if I put a part nine, I can be one step closer to a ten part story.

Part Ten: Did it.
Did you read to the end!  See what I mean?  Not much to say when you leave it so long as the details drop out!