The energy is intense!

We got little miss a new bed that arrived earlier this week.  There were two main reasons - she is growing! A lot!  About 20cm taller than she was 7 months ago.  Her feet were right at the end of the single bed she had, and had no up and down wriggle room.  She has also been complaining of a sore back for about three weeks now - every morning.

The bed she had was a handed down...and probably handed down before that.  As a back sleeper, I found it pretty comfortable.  But from my own experience in that bed - get on your front and you'd may as well be a banana.

I looked on line at second hand beds... Granted there were a lot of hardly used ones out there - but the problem with second hand is you can't lie on them for awhile and see how they feel.

So we bought her a new bed.  A king single...so there is plenty of wriggle room - both up and down and left to right.  There is a trundler bed underneath for when her little sister or a friend comes to stay - that folds out in to a proper king single too - A real innersprung full sized mattress!  And when she is older the two go side by side nicely and make a king bed.

We were going to wait until we got guardianship and were sure she wouldn't be whipped off somewhere else.  But as things are looking pretty stable at the moment, and her back was playing up we went with it.  This kid deserved a good night sleep.

And clearly - a good night sleep she has been getting.  The energy is incontainable!  I swear - bouncing, literally. And her mouth...woah! Who knew there was this energy being prevented by a good nights sleep!  Hopefully it will settle down a little once she is used to the good nights sleep!  Last night I actually had to say "please, stop just for five minutes"  she did...well, for four and a half minutes anyway.

She has finally chosen a school.  My preferred school for her.  It took a long time for her to come to that decision...but didn't want to push her - she had to feel as though she had made a decision in her life.  Thankfully, she chose the best school in the area, within walking distance from home.  We have an enrolment interview in a week - which should be fine - we are zoned for the school so can't anticipate any problems.

I call it success.

No meltdowns. No grass is greener on the other side type comments. A family visit that finished positively not dangerously (emotionally). 

Little miss was fabulous after her sister went home yesterday and had a fabulous morning today. A little moody this afternoon but so am I knowig my long weekend is nearly over. 

This afternoon she said to me 'bonding time, let's watch a movie and paint each other's nails'. This was a new phrase in our house but went with it. My nails look average, but for the sake of love I'll let them stick for a couple of days. 

Little miss and littler miss

Little miss has her little sister staying this weekend. And if all goes well it will become a more regular occurance. Littler miss has been very hard work for her caregivers, and with several of their own children some time out was desperately needed. We were asked by the social worker if we would be in a position to give regular respite. 

With a little hesitation and lots of discussion we said we would give it a go. It is a fabulous opportunity for both of the girls to stay connected with their family in a safe and supervised way. 

Supervised became the key word quite quickly. As of course there was a very clear reason they are in care in the first place. A lack of parenting skills also leads to a lot of undesirable habits handed into the kids. 

Not least of which is the bullying. We knew little miss had a tendency to be not so nice toward others. We knew littler miss had been displaying some quite aggressive behaviours toward others. But the two of them together has resulted in a lot of needless - and at times potentially harmful, bullying. Usually about apparence. 

That as kids though there is clear love between the girls. Little miss won't let littler miss out of sight. Seeig it as her duty to protect and guide her. 

In someways this is good. It is helping her understand the 'rules' of life a little better; helping her see that rules exist for a reason. Helping her see that getting told off isn't the worst thing ever and just a necessity when all else fails. 

But sadly, the pressure she puts on herself is overwhelming. A child of 12 doing the job of an adult. It stresses her, it upsets her and she can verbally lash out when littler miss doesn't do as she is asked. She has automatically reverted into the relationship she was expected to have when they lived together. Littler Miss doesn't like it much either. A few times telling little miss to leave her alone them coming to either myself or my partner for what she needed. Showing that really, she wants adults in her life giving some control to her life. 

Little miss doesn't like being told what to do. So hasn't dealt with that so well. But as the day has gone on. She had been learning. 

With guidance she is letting go of some responsibilities. Letting her out of her sight. She still gave her her shower and helped her dress. But let me read the goodnight story, only poking her head around the corner twice in the ten minutes it took me to read Dr Suess' Bedtime Story. 

Tomorrow will be interesting. How will the girls cope when they are seperated again. Will they cope with regular visits and seperations. Will we get the opportunity to help these two form sister love over a longer period of time. To reinforce the lessons they have just began to learn. I hope so. Littler miss is adorable. 

She's come along way.

Miss 12 will have been with us 7 months tomorrow.  It seems as well that as we approach that 7 month mark we have a new child.  A child who is quite different to how she was when she arrived on our doorstep with only a school bag and a lunchbox.

That mad dash to the shop to buy undies for the next day.  Trying to convince her that it was okay to have something to eat.  Responding to the statement "Just be warned, I don't know how to be good".   It makes me a little emotional to think about how broken and lost she was only 7 months ago.

Things have changed considerably recently.  She has become okay with the reality that she will never return to her family. That her hopes that had been built up by the social welfare agency would be broken down again.  A change in social worker that helped her see the reality for what it was (She didn't like the social worker to start with but is getting to understand now that truth is better than false lies and hope).  She has accepted that staying with us until she is 17 (in her eyes she will leave on her 17th birthday and return to her family) is her future.  She is good with that too!  I had a bad day at work yesterday - some boy being an egg!  Her response - "you should let me deal with him - no one is gonna treat you like that"  I let the treat of violence drop - she was being protective of me.  We'll deal with that violence issue again another day!

We took her on a two week road trip holiday with a friend of hers.  She really figured how close she was to us in this time.  She had no shame about holding my hand as she walked somewhere, taking our side if her friend was naughty.  Over heard once to say "Don't you talk about them like that, they're my family".  She'd never admit it to our face.

She has said "love you guys" once as she was falling asleep.  And to me several times since.  It's far too soon to expect her to identify any love for my other half - he is a man! That's wrong! Her words. We know her history though - that's not going to happen for some time.

She officially proposed to me.  Spending her pocket money on a bunch of flowers, she downed on one knee and said "Will you be my legal guardian".

She is still very attached to her family, but mostly in words.  She doesn't really follow through with the actions.  She loves them dearly, and holds such a commitment to them that she would never betray them.  She tells us very clearly, quite often, that we aren't her family, we can't be, and she will go to her family when she turns 17.

Her most recent access visit with her family ended well.  There wasn't the normal sulking and tantrum throwing, negative self talk and violence threats.  She just came home and got on with things.  Fingers crossed this is going to last. If it does, she may even be allowed to have sleep overs and her mums.

Her little sister is coming to stay this weekend.  Hopefully that goes well.  It's to provide a bit of respite to her caregivers, however - both of the kids think it's just to give them a chance to see each other. If it goes successfully we will take her one weekend a month.  Will get back to you on that one!