In the best interests

Sometimes it's hard to see why some things are done why they are.  We had to make a decision that Mr 7 had to move on...it was in the best interests of the other 6 people in the house.  It was not in his best interests.  His social worker should have been standing up for his best interests.

A couple of weeks ago - right in the early stages of things going bad, I asked his social worker for support.  I said...his behaviour is deteriorating rapidly...here is what I am doing...here is what works and to what extent...here what I have tried with no effect.  I get told "You are doing everything right".  The next day "Things are getting worse, I need some more strategies" I get told "We will find a new placement for him"  This infuriated me...the social worker should be advocating for the best interests of the child.  The social worker should have gone out of her way to make sure that we were surrounded in not only strategies, but practical support.

If I were the social worker I would have come around to the house.  Put a safety plan in place, offered up some de-escalating strategies and then asked what practical support we could benefit from.  That practical support may have been hard to find, it may have been expensive...it may have taken a week or so to find.  But the end outcome would have been supported caregivers, who had the energy left to persevere, and the hope left that they could see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Instead... the best solution is to move the child.  Now yes...right at the end things got so hard I said he had to go.  But the reality is I had spent two weeks asking for support before I got to that stage.  shouldn't the social workers number one priority have been "keep everyone safe, including Mr 7 so that there is not a third placement breakdown within 6 weeks"?

My fear is now that he has gone to the new caregivers unsupported and that in 10 days the process will start again.  I just hope that this time they see it as in the best interests of the child to be there and practically support the caregivers so that they can get through until things settle.  Because then the best interests of the child are being met.  He will have a stable, long term home where he can learn to manage his own behaviour.

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Return of Mr 7

Mr 7 shouldn't really be back... But it's not like I can let him sleep on the street. I have sent another email tonight to the social workers saying that in order to keep other children safe I am expecting them to act. Hubby goes away again tomorrow and I will have two nights to get through alone, though a friend is able to give Mr 7 some one on one time if needed Wednesday night... So really I have one night to get through alone... But that's all worst case scenario. 

His return today went okay. I had a few more tricks up my sleeve after reading a book over the weekend about emotional time out. Giving the child no attention until compliance. On the theory that they will comply as they just can't live isolated very long. (Don't take any advice from that statement... There is so much more to it than that... I will write a post about the strategy later)

And one point he hit another child. Safety plan came into action. 'bedrooms now' and all the rest of the children disappeared. He said 'I'm not going to my room'. I said, you don't have to. I then 'got busy' a strategy from the book. I folded laundry, tidyed up his room. All the while the other children stayed very quiet and out of the way. It was less than five minutes til he took himself to his room and got out a game. I said. 'You play here quietly okay, let me know when you are ready to rejoin the family safely and be kind'. I walked away and let the other children out of their rooms. Success. He came out about 15 minutes later asking to be a safe part of the family. 

I asked him to put a shirt on to come to the shops with me. He refused.  I told all the other children to hop in the car, and we left. Without him. When I got home he still didn't have a shirt on. So I handed him one and said 'now' he said 'oh my god what the he'll' but he did it and it was over. 

Later this evening I asked him to go and have a shower. He very very quickly started showing signs of aggression. I whispered to the other two children I. The room to completely ignore him until he did as he was told. He said 'I'm not going to my room'. They did, and about 30 minutes later he got in the shower when he got out he was given lots of positive attention. The other children played with him for about an hour with no incident. 

I don't call it a miricle, I don't know that the strategies will work if he figures out our game plan. But... We got through today with no one being hurt. 

Loving a long weekend

Over the weekend we have had a very shy Miss 15, our forever Miss 13, and siblings Mr 12 & Miss 8. Mr 7 has been on a little holiday and will be back in the morning. They haven't found a new placement for him. But hopefully the break will get us through the next few days. 

The weekend has been calm by comparison to the last few days. Yesterday we did the housework, went to  the library and then went swimming. The first outdoor swim of the season. The kids played happily and got along well. After dinner we played a game and although it was quite a late night for all, they managed well today. 

We had to do more housework this morning (there is less to do per person... But with this many in house it has to be done Marie often!) followed by a short shopping expedition where no children wanted to spend their pocket money... But I got sucked into some clearance items (rubbish buns and washing baskets!). We had a cruisey afternoon in the sun. We played giant naughts and crosses and ladder golf (google it... It's a good one). Followed by a bit of chill time (some reading, some drawing and one doing some maths practice). After dinner we played a board game ... A game that by the rules anyone could win... But with three players using English as a second language it wasn't quite so easy. We had to cheat (a lot) just to get the kids off the starting square! 

Miss 15, Miss 13 and I all like horror movies - so we topped the night off with one a little more gruesome than I anticipated. 

The return of Mr 7 tomorrow does fill me with some anxiety, but thankfully hubby is around for the next 24 hours! Hopefully after a day of school on Tuesday they will have found a new placement for him. Otherwise... Anyone wanna come stay for a few days? I don't mind sharing a room with Miss 13 so you can have my room? Someone who can give a 7 year old loads of attention so he doesn't have to demand it? Or take away the others when I need to calm him?

A really hard night

Last night was hard. I ran out of battle. Mr 7 began to kick, punch and bite.

Yeah I was hurt. It isn't the first time he has done this to me. About the third this week. I have tried being patiently consistent with him, but unfortunately last night he took it two steps further. He did the same as me to a child. Boundary broken. He then attacked my cat. We don't know yet if she is okay but every moment today I have been hoping that when I get home she has been to the toilet and her bladder is not injured. 

If my cat has serious damage I will not ever forgive him. I know it sounds harsh, but it's true. I don't take hurting animals lightly. 

What scares me is that he hurt the cat because he could not gain control of either me or Mr 12. This rings massive alarm bells for me.  I have this memory of being told once that those who hurt animals as children grow up to be those that hurt people as adults.  Now it could have been some totally un-researched opinion - but nevertheless - it reminds me just what this boy is capable of - especially when he does not have control.  

Tonight we are getting a few days break. He is going to another carer til Monday morning.  However, he will then have to return to us as there is simply no where else for him to go yet.  I have given the social workers a deadline. Tuesday.  On Tuesday husband leaves for work for a few days - and I will not be able to manage him on my own.  I am afraid he will not only hurt me and my cat.  But the children.  These children are in care to keep them safe, not to be exposed to constant danger and fear. 

Boys in blue and a trip to the doctor

After Sunday's post we were left with no option but to call the police. Mr 7 pushed Miss 13 over, was sent to his room, and destroyed it. I needed to go in to remove things he could injure himself on and he pinned me to the wall with his bed and began punching me repetitively in the stomach.

The police were amazing (when they finally arrived) and gave him a big talking to. One then took some time to teach him some guitar chords before leaving. He has not inappropriately touched anyone since.

His behaviour was still less than desirable on Monday night, when he kicked me because he didn't want to do his homework. While these things were happening I was writing very detailed emails to Social Workers, so I didn't have the time to blog details.

The social workers have all agreed it is in the best interests f all of the children if he is moved to a placement with no other children. I'm not 100% in agreement... But as they don't actually have a placement for him I haven't given them my reasons, by time they find a placement I may be well and truely over it. However, my concern is this. Picking him up and moving him is not solving a problem. This is his third placement. His first one there were no other children, and thr physical violence was a problem at both previous placements. Wouldn't it make more sense to surround us with support in dealing with the issues? And help him learn what positive safe behaviours are that aren't going to drive anyone nuts eventually.

Unfortunately I don't think the social workers involved have any idea how what strategies to try and just keep telling us we are doing everything right. Maybe we are, but it doesn't actually help!  I have asked for him to get a respite placement this weekend as we will be rather busy and won't be able to give him much one on one attention.

Anyhow, I have been asking for me 7 to see a doctor since the second day in our care. All along I have felt something was wrong and that he had an ENT infection of some sort. He finally got to see a doctor today and he has been so badly infected for so long that he has a perforated ear drum, and no memory of when it last didn't hurt. Having been a number of years since he has been to the doctor and they are talking a hospital visit in order to get it sorted that we are talking months not days. He also has such severe decay in his teeth that he will need a hospital visit for those too. His back teeth have literally all but disappeared... This poor child has been in PAIN for as long as he has ever known but not been able to identify pain.

Any idea where I am heading here? I gave him some pain relief after talking to the chemist. We haven't had any behavioural problems all night, he didn't complain of being hungry (didn't even finish dinner).  Maybe our strategies are paying off. Or maybe, just maybe... He has expressed his pain through aggression. I'd be a write off with one infected tooth or ear. Let alone a perforated ear drum and a mouth full of holes and rot.

Mr 12 and Miss 8 had a visit with their mum yesterday. Se gave them their 'stuff'. Unfortunately when I opened it all up it wasn't there stuff, but more or her rubbish. Loads and loads and loads of it. She must have nothing left (believe that 1) she is a hoarder and 2) she is homeless) so is saying it belongs to the kids to get it looked after. Thankfully I opened it first as there is all sorts in there... From unopened nicotine patches, antipsychotic drugs and mental health wars admission papers. Needless to say it has all been moved to the garage while social workers decide what to do with it. Mr 12 shows similar tendencies toward hoarding. He will not throw a thing away. Not even food packets.


Miss 13 did remarkably well today. She even cooked dinner and asked mr 7 if he wanted to learn how to make meatballs. She is really struggling with math despite it being her favourite subject. She is incredibly impatient with herself and doesn't take the time to learn a process, just thinks she is dumb because she doesn't know the answer to 4/5ths if 2500 straight away. She has huge gaps, but I wish she could see how far she has come. I think for future kids I may hold on to samples of what they are capable of when they arrive to show them further down the track. Dumb people don't make that much progres... I need to show Miss 13 she isn't dumb.. I just wish I had kept the evidence.

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It takes a village to raise a child

A lot of people say " I don't know how you do it" "I couldn't do what you are doing".  The reality is that we don't do it alone.  You are doing it, you are helping.

The beds the kids sleep in were donated by friends.
The clothes the kids wear were donated by friends.
The before and after-school drop offs are done by friends.
The encouraging words when we need them are done by friends.
The babysitting so we can continue to do training is done by friends.
The babysitting so we can have our Wednesday nights off, is done by friends.
The people who run around and pick things up for us because we just can't quite get there...

Not everyone has space or skill to manage troubled children, but every one can make a difference. This blog post is to acknowledge all of you who DO do it. Who do make a difference!

It really does take a village to raise a child, and don't sit there thinking I can't do it - You are doing it - simply by being there for all of those things we need.  It's been quite a humbling experience - I was never one to ask for help or depend on others - but now I need it to survive.

PS. We have this Wednesday covered, but still after the rest of the Wednesdays for this term.  I don't think that there is anyone out there fully available...But if you are willing to book in for "A wednesday" from 6.45 - 9pm - please let me know.  We have 6 more to get through! And having a night doing things we like is really important to us continuing to do this!

XX




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Behaviours that are totally unacceptable

At a training session recently we were asked: What behaviours do you draw the line at.  It was a hard question.  Lying, drinking, smoking.  This weekend I added one to that list.  Sexualised behaviours.

It is one I will talk to the social workers about on Monday.

This weekend in our house we have had Miss 13 and her friend Miss13b, Mr 12, Miss 8 an Mr 7.  Mr 7 is the one with the sexualised behaviours that we hadn't seen until this weekend.  With that many kids there is CONSTANT play. If someone doesn't want to play, someone else does!  It's great from my perspective as I don't need to entertain.  But Mr 7 needs to be taught boundaries, and this is something that is not easy.  He has on multiple occasions grabbed the breasts of both Miss 13 and Miss 13b, and once grabbed Mr 12 in the nether region.  This behaviour has not been tolerated at all.  It is instant, that is wrong.  He has also had one on one conversations about okay places of the body to touch.  We have instated a hands only rule in the house for the time being.  This is because we can't have eyes every where at once and we need to keep all children safe.  It's a bit hard when Mr 12 wants to tickle his little sister Miss 8.  But they have all witnessed the behaviour so I think they understand.  It is hard though, as kids this age love to play physically, and when its raining and gail force winds there aren't a heck of a lot of ways to get physical safely! I will be calling the case worker responsible for Mr 7 on Monday and asking for some pretty decent advice.  I won't tolerate it.  Although Miss 13b has left now, and Mr 12 hasn't had any incidents with Mr 7 since Saturday morning - Miss 13 needs to be my priority.  She is here permanently, she can't just leave if it gets too hard.  I will not let her be hurt even if it means Mr 7 needs to go elsewhere. And I will make that decision if I need to. I don't want to let Mr 7 down. But there are other children (including another teenage girl coming on Tuesday) that need to be kept safe too.

I have been really happy with the addition of Mr 12 and Miss 8.  They are both able to entertain themselves quietly, but also able to play and have fun too.  Mr 12 has displayed a couple of annoying features. I think they may be cultural but haven't had chance to research yet.  Such as - "I will not eat sandwiches for lunch, I will only eat pizza."  "Sorry buddy - it's sandwiches or you go hungry. " " Fine but it has to be ham, cheese, lettuce. " "Sometimes I say, but with 7 people in the house - chances are you'll have spreads most days."  I have deliberately only served sandwiches with spreads all weekend - even though I'd usually do something a bit nicer in the weekend.  He has given in and started eating them.

I also asked Mr 12 to make his bed this morning.  "Why do we have to make our own beds? " he asked..."Because I'm not your slave.  Would you like me to show you how to do it so you know for tomorrow?"  "No, I know how" he said, then made his bed.

Mr 7 loves cleaning!  He asked to change his daily job from setting the table to cleaning the toilets. I didn't object.  The first time he cleaned the toilet it took him 30 minutes.  You could have eaten out of it!

Mr 7 ran away again. He actually hid on the property, but we couldn't find him. Mr 12 and Miss 13 found him just as we were calling in back up.  He hid behind a concrete retaining wall.  He has now got an outdoor safe place to run away too. We will see if that one works.  

Miss 8 is totally sweet.  Loves to sit and read. Loves to play. Loves to go for a drive.  She seems pretty easy going. She doesn't like pork, porridge or marshmallows.  Think I can live with that.

Miss 13 is dealing with all pretty well.  She does seem to wind the others up a little though.  She is a bit of a nark! I think this is linked to her trying to be the responsible forever child.  Letting us know when things go wrong...but it really just winds the others up and gets her arguing with them.  Need to remember some of those things we learnt when we had her sister living with us.  About giving her certain things for being responsible for so that she doesn't need to take ownership of everything.

So yes, busy weekend.  But it's not as hard as you may think. I read my book for an hour this afternoon while everyone had some quiet time (Quiet time has to be enforced for everyones sanity, including the children. Only Mr 7 doesn't handle it well).

Husband has taken the girls out to the supermarket, and the boys are having some TV time.  It keeps even Mr 7 quiet - so I have got the lunches made for tomorrow and updating my blog!


18/10/15
Hungry complaints back today from Mr 7.  It must be linked to just needing something to complain about and first thing that comes out. He has asked for less food in his lunchbox because he can't eat it all.  

Has been displaying some sexualised behaviours.  Has been inappropriately touching Mr 12 and Miss 13.  (started yesterday morning, firm but quick and fair reminders that wasn't okay) When confronted about this this afternoon he ran away.  It took all of us about half an hour to find him.  He then came back inside and pushed Mr 12 across the room.  He started to have a go and husband too.  He did go to his room and calm down then talk about his behaviours.  He has been given very clear appropriate boundaries to stick to - and been made to think about how it makes others feel. 

Miss 8 and Mr 12 settling in nicely.  Discovered most of their things are not clothes!  There was a lot of rubbish that I threw out. But a few bags of their mums stuff - photo albums, clothes, make up, even her toothbrush.  I've just stored it all away and will discuss with their social worker on Monday. I believe their mum doesn't currently have a home - so it could be she just gave everything to the kids knowing they'd have somewhere to put it.  I have a friend dropping some clothes off for Mr 12 at 5pm and someone else looking for some clothes for girls.  So hopefully we will have enough to get through until their social worker takes them shopping. 






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Super quick post as I anticipate an early start tomorrow. Yes two
More little people. Miss 8 and mr 12. Brother and sister. So far really lovely :). Sadly their mum
Dropped them at a backpackers. Paid the first night and never came back. Big kid abandonment. Mum has been found but for obvious reasons not considered a fit parent at this time. These lovelys are from an extremely different ethnicity to our own. Will be interesting to see how the connection goes.

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We made it a week with Mr 7.

This time last week we met Mr 7. It's quite hard to believe it was only a week ago that we were making a mad scramble for some clothes and toys!  Still some things to get sorted...like a regular sitter - but we have next week covered and that's enough to put my mind at ease for now!

Please feel free to put your name down for a Wednesday, any between now and the end of the school term!

We have had many successes, but there is more to come.

I think we are on top of the food thing! Thank you so much to all of you who sent messages or comments with advice.  We have taken on board elements of most things, and Mr 7 hasn't complained of being hungry for a few days now!  Couldn't do this sort of thing without all of our friends cheering us on with little tidbits of advice.

I always read articles and stuff about not telling other parents how to do their job...blah, blah...I totally thought I'd feel that way - and strongly.  Because I like to do things my way, and figure them out for myself.  But you need a village to raise a child, and I am very thankful for my village of people giving me suggestions on what to change!  But still not telling me what to do!  Anyone have dessert suggestions that aren't fruit?  That take into account allergies with dairy, egg and nuts?  It would nice to be able to give a treat in the weekend!

Making huge steps in behaviour too.  The marble/stone jar is working really well.  He has lost some marbles (don't we all??) during the week, and I have found it particularly effective having him move the marbles himself as a tangible consequence of his actions. He has been a super star at school.  He has not had one hiccup since Monday.  He has been allocated a teacher aide just for him, and it has really helped him feel connected and engaged.

We did have an incident of lying. I gave him money to give to his teacher as she provided him with a homework book (Mr. 7 had never done homework before, so the teacher gave him a book so that we could get started right away).  When I picked him up after school I asked him if he had paid the money. He said yes.  His teacher aide was standing behind him shaking his head.  She was AMAZING.  Like actually. She has been so helpful.  Not only did she sort the money issue (her sleuth skills discovered he had given it to a student, but she got it back, made him apologise, made him pay for his book and bring me back the change, and told him that I would be giving him a consequence for that (which I did)) She has been helpful in more ways that that though.  She has been able to give me daily updates (she also works at the before and after school care) about how is schooling is, what his behavior is like, and how he is feeling overall.  She has been crucial in helping him settle - she has organised lunch dates with his siblings to help them get through!

Had a bit of difficulty getting Mr 7 to do his homework last night.  He was outside playing while I organised a few things and when I called him in it took about 15 minutes for him actually to come in (and the threat of losing another marble!)  He found it really, really hard to sit still.  I think we might have to try homework standing up...not sure how we'll go about this yet.

When it got to reading time he got really upset.  He started headbutting me, quite hard (miss 13 was quite shocked by it I think...I was fine, but I could see her turning to Mr 32 begging him with her eyes to do something...He, thankfully, just said Mrs 32 has it under control).  After about 5 minutes of headbutting me and threatening to run away he said "Okay, I am ready to start now".  I was a bit shocked...it was so sudden.  It was like he was waiting for me to break, realised I wasn't going to and got on with it.  It was great! Hopefully it will be easier next time we go to read!

Well that is a very bitsy, all over the place, you can tell quite rushed blog.  But I thought I'd better give an update!

Diary entry below pretty much a copy and paste of most of the above - so don't bother reading!


16/10
I think we are on top of the food thing! Mr 7 hasn't complained of being hungry for a few days now! 

We did have an incident of lying. I gave him money to give to his teacher as she provided him with a homework book (Mr. 7 had never done homework before, so the teacher gave him a book so that we could get started right away).  When I picked him up after school I asked him if he had paid the money. He said yes.  His teacher aide was standing behind him shaking his head.  She was AMAZING.  Like actually. She has been so helpful.  Not only did she sort the money issue (her sleuth skills discovered he had given it to a student, but she got it back, made him apologise, made him pay for his book and bring me back the change, and told him that I would be giving him a consequence for that (which I did)) She has been helpful in more ways that that though.  She has been able to give me daily updates (she also works at the before and after school care) about how is schooling is, what his behavior is like, and how he is feeling overall.  She has been crucial in helping him settle - she has organised lunch dates with his siblings to help them get through!

Had a bit of difficulty getting Mr 7 to do his homework last night.  He was outside playing while I organised a few things and when I called him in it took about 15 minutes for him actually to come in (and the threat of losing another marble!)  He found it really, really hard to sit still.  I think we might have to try homework standing up...not sure how we'll go about this yet.  

When it got to reading time he got really upset.  He started headbutting me, quite hard, After about 5 minutes of headbutting me and threatening to run away he said "Okay, I am ready to start now".  I was a bit shocked...it was so sudden.  It was like he was waiting for me to break, realised I wasn't going to and got on with it.  It was great! Hopefully it will be easier next time we go to read!

A really quick update

Will keep this super brief with pretty much just the journal entry records. But have one other thing to say. I met mr 7s headmaster today. In summary the school (head, teacher etc) are pretty disgusted with the work of government agency and were pretty upset at how out of the loop they had been kept about everything. My opinion is schools should be better informed. They currently believe  Mr 7 should never have been moved from home. He has also always been with his mum, not his grandparents as we were told.

13/10

The good thing is that his hunger seems to have settled down. I think we are on top of it. I think the phrase 'I am hungry' is expressed when something is wanted and he doesn't know what. Often now I have been able to successfully divert attention. In saying that we are still trying to get a doctors appointment and today we got permission to give him a worming pill

He had an excellent day at school, no angry outbursts. A bit reserved though and very clingy to his teacher aide. She told me that mr 7 has always lived with mum and the siblings haven't. That isn't what I have been told til this point so will let agency know In due course that perhaps all info isn't accurate. Had some assessment information given to me also. He is significantly below his peers...at 7 this is a major concern. On his spelling words this week are words such as 'an' 'that'. 

Jobs went well. Some difficulty with bed time tonight for the first time but settled pretty quickly when I told him he would lose a happy stone if he didn't. 

Success!

Success!
I haven't heard "I'm hungry" since about 7.30 this morning.  And that was definitely out of boredom (in the car on the way to school...is about 35 minutes) so this afternoon I went to the library and got some audio books - and hopefully that'll fix the mornings.

There was a slight problem at the end of the day - I went to pick Mr 7 up from the social workers office...and he wasn't there - no one had remembered to pick him up from school.  Thankfully, the school and figured out something funny was going on - popped him in the after school programme and were working out what to do next when I turned up and the social workers called the school.  His siblings were in the after school programme anyway - so he didn't notice he was forgotten, just thought he was spending some time there.  I have now arranged for him to go to the after school programme every day after school as it turns out he was still booked in from when he was in the care of his family, just hadn't been for a couple of months.

They also do before school care from 7am as well...so if I can get the funding to put him in there it would make a lot more sense than me taking him to work, him getting picked up by the social worker and dropped at school.  It would add 20 minutes or so to each my morning and afternoon, but it would feel a lot more normal for him I think.  I was able to get a few things confirmed too...as the staff for the after school programme also work in the classrooms during the day.  I found out what grade Mr7is in, got taken to meet his teacher and exchange contact details, and also find out that he trashed his classroom this morning!  It wasn't under my watch - phew! I know this is something we will have to begin to manage soon, but in the mean time it is the responsibility of the social workers.  Not normally a stance I'd take. But it is important for us to get home settled first.

Tonight after dinner we talked through what to do if he starts to feel angry.  He chose that his way of getting through that would be to go to his room, and read a book.  We will time 7 minutes from when he starts looking at the pages and then come and talk to him.  He came up with all the ideas himself, I just asked questions.  What will you do when you get angry to calm down? Read.  Where will you do that? My bedroom.  How long will you read for? 7 minutes.  How will we know if it hasn't been long enough? Start timing once I start reading.

As a part of that we started a system with two jars.  Each jar has 10 stones in it (prettish ones - from majong!) every time he completes his jobs (twice a day) he will get to move a stone from :( to :)  If he doesn't do his jobs or argues about doing them he will move one from :) to :(.  If he does something naughty he will move one from :) to :(, and if he does something extra special he can move one from :( to :).  Confused yet?  It's not so confusing when you have the items in front of you!

His jobs are: Morning - Get dressed, eat breakfast, brush teeth, brush hair.
Night - Put lunchbox on bench, set table, put toys away, take rubbish downstairs, have a bath at 7pm.

He was really happy with his jobs.  I wish they were my jobs.

If on a Saturday morning there are more stones in :) then he will get $6 to spend on pokemon.  He can spend it all at once or save it - but we won't make special trips to the shops (well, we might...if there is nothing better to do).

Oh - and if he runs away (leaves the section) then all stones go to the :( jar - because running away is very dangerous, and needs a big consequence.

12/10

Breakfast: rice bubbles and his soy milk

Lunchbox for school: two sandwiches, a kiwi fruit, banana, chippies, muesli bar, 3 Biscuits, brownie, and a fruit tails. A bit of junk in there. But wanted to be sure he had enough til he gets home! There was going to be an apple too, but we couldn't fit it in and he put it back in the bowl. 
Dinner: Fish, Vegetable chips, coleslaw (HE DIDN'T EAT IT ALL - We WON!)

Mr 7 had a great day with us. School wasn't so good.  Heard from his after school teacher that in the morning he trashed a classroom.  He moved to a new class after that and now has a fresh start in a new class for the rest of the year.  I met his teacher, and found out that he has not done homework. I will send a homework book for him and he will start homework from tomorrow.  His after school teachers were very accommodating, and are supportive of us getting a plan that works well for us all - they are glad to have him back. 

Hunger

I'm worried we are under feeding mr7 (aka Pikachu... We now have an age!) he constantly complains of being hungry. Constantly. Even when he is just finished eating. He eats more than Mr31! I don't know if he has worms, if he is saying hungry instead of board or thirsty, or if he is just a growing boy! I have checked with parents of kids a similar age and it really does sound like he is eating enough... I don't know if I should believe him. Every time he is hungry I say 'have a piece of fruit' if he doesn't want the fruit I figure he isn't that hungry or he would eat it. 

He had a play today with a friends boy.  It went really well, he played happily and although a little rough... He was happy and well intentioned. 

We had our first sign of the defiance we had been warned about. We had a run away as Mr 7 was asked not to keep flinging the leg rest on the couch up and down or it would break. After a dozen asks I told him one more time and you can go to your bedroom! He ran away instead. Boy is he fast. 

11/10/15

This morning for breakfast Pikachu had cornflakes, followed by some fruit. He had brownie and fruit for morning tea. Two sausage sizzle sausages with tomato sauce for lunch, and when we got home he had three more pieces of fruit between 4 and 5.  Didn't want him eating anything too substantial right before dinner. Having so many allergies makes it a little difficult to think of healthy and desirable snacks. Probably feed him less today than other days but the rest of us coped fine!

For dinner he happily polished of a plate of corned beef and vegetables before announcing he was still starving... Sorry but that is impossible! He ate as much as we did. I think it must just be what he says! Packed him a massive lunch for school tomorrow. Couldn't fit it all in his lunchbox. Have talked to him about saving some for afternoon tea on the drive home. If that doesn't work I may have to give him less and keep snacks in the car. 

Pikachu ran away tonight because he wasn't able to keep fiddling with the leavers in the couch. Boy he is fast. Once he got out on the main road I had husband call the after hours social worker. He was running and hiding in the bushes and thought back up was better when we could still find him than have a whole search and rescue team. I found him, well more he found me. He threw handfuls of leaves at me... Hmm at least it wasn't bricks. He yelled at me for a wee while, but eventually the need for dinner got the better of him and he took off home. After about 15 minutes of cooling off he was able to tell me why playing with the leavers wasn't okay, and what he needs to do instead of running away. He ate dinner and was effected happy again by bath time. He told me after his bedtime story that he doesn't hate me any more. 

We have a clothes size

Through trying on lots we have discovered Mr Pikachu is a size 7. Roughly. He has an amazing memory, he won a game of memory with me 24 pairs-2 pairs (the last two). I was constantly stunned. No matter how well I shuffled he remembered where every card was after one time of turning it over!

He has been pretty happy today. I have learnt that his clothes need to match. Orange tshirt means orange shorts. May become interesting after three days. Thanks so much to those who have given it arranged to give us toys and clothes. 

10 October 2015. 2.30pm

Noticed today when Pikachu was getting dressed that he didn't want to wear anything with long sleeves or legs. He was adamant when going through donations of clothes that only shorts and shirts went in his drawers. I asked him why. He said 'they hurt' I'm wondering if this is because of his eczema, or a sign of a sensory processing problem. He did wear long pyjamas, but slept with no covers. 

His skin seemed less itchy, in fact I haven't seen him scratch anything other than his left hand. His speech impediment has improved dramatically, indicating to me it could be anxiety connected. However I am a little confused on this as it is in his notes that it is severe and nothing much has made a difference. 

Very blocked up in sinuses still. Will not blow his nose! He lied about having his asthma inhaler twice and I needed to supervise him having it to ensure it was done. 

Some defiance when asked to clean up. Was asked half a dozen times to put coloured pencils away. He did eventually do this when I sat on the ground with him and gave him one instruction at a time. 

Happily ate honey sandwich (with marj) for lunch, followed by a pear and some chocolate brownie. Half an hour later he was hungry again. I told him he could have another piece of fruit but chose not to. So I told him to have a drink of water in case he was thirsty not hungry. 

8.48pm

The afternoon went perfectly. Mr Pikachu offered to do the vacuuming. Of course I let him. He did a Stella job and despite me continually telling him he had done enough he did the kitchen as well as the lounge. 

He had a treat of a small frozen Coke afterward with the promise not to become hyperactive. He didn't... Phew. 

He ate steak, salad, roasted potato, and garlic bread. He didn't quite eat all of the steak but said he was full and didn't want anymore. 

He spent an hour in the bath and was a bit of a challenge to get him out. After sliding up and down the sides a bit he got out and dried himself. Before he dressed though he ran down the hallway smacking himself on the bottom saying 'why are you smacking me? What did I do? Why are you smacking me'. I told him 'that's enough of that' he did get dressed and went to bed with no worries. We read a book and it took him a bit longer than last night, maybe half an hour, to get to sleep. 

When you don't even know their age

Normally when I blog I use a child's age in order to identify who I am talking about but also keep their identity unknown to all but those physically here in our lives. It's a bit hard to hide a child over a dinner after all!

However Mr Pikachu came to us today and we don't know his age. We got told one age by his date of birth (not necessarily accurate...-!; and the social workers, a year older by him, but the grade at school suggests yet another year older. So we won't know more til Monday. 

Pikachu comes to us with a raft of challenges. He has a severe speech impediment (it's really sad... I have had to ask him to repeat himself on the same sentence more than five times just to decipher something... Other times he is quite clear), he has some very challenging behaviours of which I will not speculate (fresh start) and a range of health problems that has lots of people unsure about his exact needs. He also has a range of food allergies that we will need to watch. 

Because of this range of issues I am going to try and use this blog as a diary over the next few weeks. Partly as a double whammy. One, an accurate record of what is going on for his health, academic and social work specialists. Secondly, as I have been overwhelmed by the help from those in my circle of friends for their generosity, and felt they may want to follow along now that they have a special connection. 

I am going to need to write from a slightly different tone, so diary entry type posts I will do in italics. This will help me easily find them and copy and paste them when I need them too.  I may not hit publish everyday, but I will try and keep notes everyday. Even if it is just food that is eaten. That way it may help us help the professionals work out exactly what his food allergies are. 

9 October 2015

Pikachu was quite excited to meet us at around ten this morning. He was very quick to start on a range of complaints such as not being able to wear a seatbelt as it hurts his hand, not being able sit in a car seat as it hurts his back. I didn't engage in those conversations I just said, It's the law, it's not something we have a choice on. There will be plenty of opportunities for choice later. I shut the door and headed back to the drivers side. The door opened. He didn't attempt to get out. I just flicked the kiddy lock and closed the door again before we were in our way. 

He chatted quite happily in the car and we quickly identified his love of all things Pokemon. Not something we could really relate to! But acted interested all the same. He also started making things a lot bigger than they likely were... His age started at such a level he should be in high school, not to mention his smoking habit that he was working hard to get on top of. I said a couple of times 'really? I find that hard to believe' but was careful at this stage not to accuse him of lying.

He talked briefly about school but couldn't remember his teachers name. He is excited to go back to school on Monday. 

When we were home we let him just find his way around the house and explore. We didn't give him anything to do. But let him get comfortable. He watched some Pokemon, played some guitar (I use the word played loosely), some colouring in and a couple of board games with Miss 13. 

At lunchtime he had a ham toastie, an orange and two biscuits. This seemed to satisfy him. He was quickly 'hungry' again but declined all offers of fruit. He was told it was only fruit for now as dinner only a couple of hours away. He was happy with this. He drank half a litre of water with lunch. For dinner he had nachos, his without cheese. He wanted to taste some sour cream and had about a teaspoon. He didn't comment on whether he liked it or not. He had about another half litre of water. 

His skin looks extremely dry, and his lower legs have been scratched to bleeding within the last day or so. 

He bathes himself happily and when he was done the pyjamas weren't quite dry. He asked for some help tying his towel around him while he waited for the dryer to finish. About ten minutes. 

He was given some new toys and books and he played very happily until bedtime wearing a new red jersey wrapped around him. At bedtime I asked him to pick up his school things and pop them in his bag. This was the first sign of defiance. He said 'nah, you can't make me' I changed my request slightly 'could you pop your lunchbox and book in your bag. Thank you' and then turned around and straightened up the books on the shelf. While I was doing that he said 'what are you going to do if I don't' I said calmly 'I don't know, but it will mean tomorrow isn't as fun as it could be'. He said 'I won't be here tomorrow I go home tomorrow'. No I said, you are here for a wee while it definitely won't be tomorrow' he got up, put his things in his bag then got under the covers and started crying. I told him 'it's okay to feel sad, there have been lots of changes today. But you will see your brother and sister in Monday at school.' I picked up the book he had chosen and started reading. He was under the covers but began to peek out to see the pictures. By the end of the book he was looking at the book properly, but still crying. I said good night and asked him if he would like the light on or off. He said off. He was asleep within 5 minutes.