Behaviours that are totally unacceptable

At a training session recently we were asked: What behaviours do you draw the line at.  It was a hard question.  Lying, drinking, smoking.  This weekend I added one to that list.  Sexualised behaviours.

It is one I will talk to the social workers about on Monday.

This weekend in our house we have had Miss 13 and her friend Miss13b, Mr 12, Miss 8 an Mr 7.  Mr 7 is the one with the sexualised behaviours that we hadn't seen until this weekend.  With that many kids there is CONSTANT play. If someone doesn't want to play, someone else does!  It's great from my perspective as I don't need to entertain.  But Mr 7 needs to be taught boundaries, and this is something that is not easy.  He has on multiple occasions grabbed the breasts of both Miss 13 and Miss 13b, and once grabbed Mr 12 in the nether region.  This behaviour has not been tolerated at all.  It is instant, that is wrong.  He has also had one on one conversations about okay places of the body to touch.  We have instated a hands only rule in the house for the time being.  This is because we can't have eyes every where at once and we need to keep all children safe.  It's a bit hard when Mr 12 wants to tickle his little sister Miss 8.  But they have all witnessed the behaviour so I think they understand.  It is hard though, as kids this age love to play physically, and when its raining and gail force winds there aren't a heck of a lot of ways to get physical safely! I will be calling the case worker responsible for Mr 7 on Monday and asking for some pretty decent advice.  I won't tolerate it.  Although Miss 13b has left now, and Mr 12 hasn't had any incidents with Mr 7 since Saturday morning - Miss 13 needs to be my priority.  She is here permanently, she can't just leave if it gets too hard.  I will not let her be hurt even if it means Mr 7 needs to go elsewhere. And I will make that decision if I need to. I don't want to let Mr 7 down. But there are other children (including another teenage girl coming on Tuesday) that need to be kept safe too.

I have been really happy with the addition of Mr 12 and Miss 8.  They are both able to entertain themselves quietly, but also able to play and have fun too.  Mr 12 has displayed a couple of annoying features. I think they may be cultural but haven't had chance to research yet.  Such as - "I will not eat sandwiches for lunch, I will only eat pizza."  "Sorry buddy - it's sandwiches or you go hungry. " " Fine but it has to be ham, cheese, lettuce. " "Sometimes I say, but with 7 people in the house - chances are you'll have spreads most days."  I have deliberately only served sandwiches with spreads all weekend - even though I'd usually do something a bit nicer in the weekend.  He has given in and started eating them.

I also asked Mr 12 to make his bed this morning.  "Why do we have to make our own beds? " he asked..."Because I'm not your slave.  Would you like me to show you how to do it so you know for tomorrow?"  "No, I know how" he said, then made his bed.

Mr 7 loves cleaning!  He asked to change his daily job from setting the table to cleaning the toilets. I didn't object.  The first time he cleaned the toilet it took him 30 minutes.  You could have eaten out of it!

Mr 7 ran away again. He actually hid on the property, but we couldn't find him. Mr 12 and Miss 13 found him just as we were calling in back up.  He hid behind a concrete retaining wall.  He has now got an outdoor safe place to run away too. We will see if that one works.  

Miss 8 is totally sweet.  Loves to sit and read. Loves to play. Loves to go for a drive.  She seems pretty easy going. She doesn't like pork, porridge or marshmallows.  Think I can live with that.

Miss 13 is dealing with all pretty well.  She does seem to wind the others up a little though.  She is a bit of a nark! I think this is linked to her trying to be the responsible forever child.  Letting us know when things go wrong...but it really just winds the others up and gets her arguing with them.  Need to remember some of those things we learnt when we had her sister living with us.  About giving her certain things for being responsible for so that she doesn't need to take ownership of everything.

So yes, busy weekend.  But it's not as hard as you may think. I read my book for an hour this afternoon while everyone had some quiet time (Quiet time has to be enforced for everyones sanity, including the children. Only Mr 7 doesn't handle it well).

Husband has taken the girls out to the supermarket, and the boys are having some TV time.  It keeps even Mr 7 quiet - so I have got the lunches made for tomorrow and updating my blog!


18/10/15
Hungry complaints back today from Mr 7.  It must be linked to just needing something to complain about and first thing that comes out. He has asked for less food in his lunchbox because he can't eat it all.  

Has been displaying some sexualised behaviours.  Has been inappropriately touching Mr 12 and Miss 13.  (started yesterday morning, firm but quick and fair reminders that wasn't okay) When confronted about this this afternoon he ran away.  It took all of us about half an hour to find him.  He then came back inside and pushed Mr 12 across the room.  He started to have a go and husband too.  He did go to his room and calm down then talk about his behaviours.  He has been given very clear appropriate boundaries to stick to - and been made to think about how it makes others feel. 

Miss 8 and Mr 12 settling in nicely.  Discovered most of their things are not clothes!  There was a lot of rubbish that I threw out. But a few bags of their mums stuff - photo albums, clothes, make up, even her toothbrush.  I've just stored it all away and will discuss with their social worker on Monday. I believe their mum doesn't currently have a home - so it could be she just gave everything to the kids knowing they'd have somewhere to put it.  I have a friend dropping some clothes off for Mr 12 at 5pm and someone else looking for some clothes for girls.  So hopefully we will have enough to get through until their social worker takes them shopping. 






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