I haven't been able to write - things have been full on.
Little Miss got told last week that she could not ever return to her family. This has resulted in lots of things.
A lot of defensiveness about her family and hating us - right through to disclosure of abuse and excitement about a potential future.
The behaviors have been surprisingly good (other than that first 12 hours where the shock had hold on her). She has been polite and lovely most of the time. trying really hard to make good choices. She doesn't like boundaries and is really struggling with the fact that they are the new reality of life. Kinda sees us as the bad guys for making her do things. She has it pretty good actually - she just doesn't quite see it that way yet.
But we've just had a bad 12 hours. We don't really know why... possibly saw someone from her family yesterday - it was the kind of behavior we generally get after access with them. We'll probably never know. Moody, attitude, all those things. Part of me is TGIF...the other part of me is "no...not the weekend!"
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Friday 19 September 2014
Monday 8 September 2014
Thing things that you don't know you don't know.
Trying to work out what to watch on TV last night, and there was a documentary on about the Sept 11 terrorist attacks on the twin towers.
Other half turns to me "we don't need to see another documentary on Sept 11 do we?" "nah, probably not..I think we've seen enough - maybe on Sept 11 we can watch one". Miss 12 "Why is there a documentary about the 11th of September?" "Because that's when the twin towers got crashed into by the planes." I naively respond - thinking that would settle the discussion. "Oh we should watch that movie" States Miss 12... "It's not a movie, it's real life...have you never heard of the Sept 11 attacks on the twin towers" It appears not - no.
So we sit down to watch the documentary. Miss 12 is full of interesting questions, about war, about terrorism...about what the heck actually happened. Granted she wasn't born yet - but how has she been through 12 years of life and 8 years of school not hearing about this?!
At one point there was a very priceless question. "So how come the terrorists here don't do that". I respond: "Well, we don't really have terrorists here, and our security is pretty good - so even if they have a go at blowing something up they'll likely get caught." "how come they just let them walk around and stuff" She asks... "Well, we don't really know which ones are terrorists until they try something bad. But we have lots more security now than back then - you know how when we went to Australia we got xrayed. They never used to do that." Next question "So their backpacks get scanned too". "Yeah of course" I reply "They all do".
"Man" she says "Next time I see them terrorists walking around with their back packs on I'm gonna tell them off". What - you can't you won't know, I question. "Yeah, they come off planes and boats and stuff and walk around with their sunhats and backpacks."
OHHH Tourists. We're on different words little one...let me explain the difference!
Other half turns to me "we don't need to see another documentary on Sept 11 do we?" "nah, probably not..I think we've seen enough - maybe on Sept 11 we can watch one". Miss 12 "Why is there a documentary about the 11th of September?" "Because that's when the twin towers got crashed into by the planes." I naively respond - thinking that would settle the discussion. "Oh we should watch that movie" States Miss 12... "It's not a movie, it's real life...have you never heard of the Sept 11 attacks on the twin towers" It appears not - no.
So we sit down to watch the documentary. Miss 12 is full of interesting questions, about war, about terrorism...about what the heck actually happened. Granted she wasn't born yet - but how has she been through 12 years of life and 8 years of school not hearing about this?!
At one point there was a very priceless question. "So how come the terrorists here don't do that". I respond: "Well, we don't really have terrorists here, and our security is pretty good - so even if they have a go at blowing something up they'll likely get caught." "how come they just let them walk around and stuff" She asks... "Well, we don't really know which ones are terrorists until they try something bad. But we have lots more security now than back then - you know how when we went to Australia we got xrayed. They never used to do that." Next question "So their backpacks get scanned too". "Yeah of course" I reply "They all do".
"Man" she says "Next time I see them terrorists walking around with their back packs on I'm gonna tell them off". What - you can't you won't know, I question. "Yeah, they come off planes and boats and stuff and walk around with their sunhats and backpacks."
OHHH Tourists. We're on different words little one...let me explain the difference!
Monday 1 September 2014
What a week
It's been just over a week now, since Miss 12 had her world tipped upside down again. This time getting the idea given to her that she would go back into the care of her mum.
She never quite got given the right story, only her mums story. What was actually happening is that her mum would be undergoing another parental assessment. That parental assessment isn't looking so good.
So where does that leave things, in a couple of weeks time, once everything is finalised, miss 12 is going to have her dreams shattered once again. She is going to go into a home for life. She just doesn't know it yet, and neither does her mum. Her mum was given all the warnings in the world...she just gets it in her head that all she has to do is a 'parenting assessment' and everything will be okay again. She understands wrong - and then gives that wrong understanding the to the children.
Unfortunately since Miss 12 was told she is going home, her behaviour has been horrendous. All part of the up and down nature of what's going on really. Guess it's gonna get worse in two weeks.
The influence of her family (possibly not her mum!) has seen her saying all sorts of things about herself that make her self esteem - useless. She has been calling herself fat, ugly, dumb, naughty...lost aspirations that had taken us months to build up in her.
Hopefully some of these come back again once the daily contact has ended...(the daily contact was to assess how well her mum coped with her and her sister together). I want her to see her mum and have fun with her - it just isn't working. So sad. She'll blame us too...as we are the ones who had to report the change in her attitude and behaviour.
She never quite got given the right story, only her mums story. What was actually happening is that her mum would be undergoing another parental assessment. That parental assessment isn't looking so good.
So where does that leave things, in a couple of weeks time, once everything is finalised, miss 12 is going to have her dreams shattered once again. She is going to go into a home for life. She just doesn't know it yet, and neither does her mum. Her mum was given all the warnings in the world...she just gets it in her head that all she has to do is a 'parenting assessment' and everything will be okay again. She understands wrong - and then gives that wrong understanding the to the children.
Unfortunately since Miss 12 was told she is going home, her behaviour has been horrendous. All part of the up and down nature of what's going on really. Guess it's gonna get worse in two weeks.
The influence of her family (possibly not her mum!) has seen her saying all sorts of things about herself that make her self esteem - useless. She has been calling herself fat, ugly, dumb, naughty...lost aspirations that had taken us months to build up in her.
Hopefully some of these come back again once the daily contact has ended...(the daily contact was to assess how well her mum coped with her and her sister together). I want her to see her mum and have fun with her - it just isn't working. So sad. She'll blame us too...as we are the ones who had to report the change in her attitude and behaviour.
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