But can I afford not to?

I don't really know what I put in the last blog.  And unlike usual I'm not going back to read it so I don't repeat myself. I'm just gonna say what's on my mind.

We had an absolutely lovely young lady of 14 with us for 10 days.  She was a pleasure.  Very respectful and helpful.  Who knows what would have happened when the honeymoon period settled down - but who cares either? It didn't happen.  I had quite a bit of self realisation in that time.

The realisation was how much I actually wanted to be doing fostering.  It's certainly not something you go into for the recognition, or the money or any other reason people may choose a job.  It's because when it comes down to it - that's what you want to be doing.  I thought to myself over the week...could I do this...more of it... more kids - like give up my job and look after other peoples kids for less than it costs to pay my mortgage.  Yeah I could.  But would it be the same? Not really sure...how many kids come and go before you can't remember a name, or an age, or a care plan detail.   I want them to know they have somewhere safe to run when they feel the need to run. How do I juggle that with the want to help everyone?

How did Miss 14 teach me these things? I had to give her back.  The ultimate goal in foster care is reunification with the first family.  I support that 100%.  Some parents need a bit of a helping hand and time out to get life back in control.  Not everyone can be expected to know how to 'parent' the day children enter their lives. But Miss 14 didn't go back to her family, and it's unlikely that she ever will.  But she has gone to live with a family who she can be with for as long as she wants - and she knows she'll always have a safe place to run if things don't work out.  Why not keep her then I hear you ask? She was perfectly behaved, got along well with Miss 12, helped out, family weren't going to cause any trouble.  Because the children have to come first.  We have committed to Miss 12.  What is most important to her is feeling loved, accepted and like she belongs.  We made a decision very early on that Miss 12 wouldn't share a bedroom.  A night here or there is okay, but any more than 10 days is taking away her sense of ownership.  She needs to own something. Even if the only thing Miss 12 really owns is her space.

Miss 12 won't go back to her family either, and as it so happens we probably won't be saying farewells any time soon.  In fact Miss 12 meets with a children's lawyer tonight to talk about the long term future and how that is going to look, as a part of our family.  Where her first family fit in and when she'll get to see them.

How will I juggle the future...helping out one or two.  Two or four.  Own children, mortgages?  I haven't made any decisions - and lets face it - they're not just my decisions to make. Mr 31 and Miss 12 are an important part of those decisions.  However, we are going to look at a bigger house this coming weekend.  There is a balance of what I "want" and what we'll "need" if we are going to make a bigger comittment to foster care.  5 bedrooms. One for us, one for Miss 12, one as a guest room, and one as a 'foster' room.  The guest room will double as a foster room too I'm sure.  One room - a second lounge, a rumpus room...somewhere all the games and dvds and books can go. Somewhere that people can just go and 'be'.  What we want - nice, clean, tidy, newish.  Well...in this case - brand new...it's not even finished being built yet.  What else? I think it's time to stop planning for the future and take it as it comes.

Can we afford to combine our wants and needs?  Hard to say.  But can I afford not to?